


Discovering Love

by drxpdead



Series: Discovering Love [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Dan doesn't believe in love, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Heavy flirting, M/M, Original Character(s), Romance, Swearing, and Phil's the very opposite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:20:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2837738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drxpdead/pseuds/drxpdead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan is a firm believer that love doesn't exist. Not in adults, and definitely not in high school. He detests silly love stories and petty relationships, posing as 'love', and nothing could possibly change his mind in that. But when new student Phil takes an intrest in Dan, he can't deny that he's interested in the boy. His bubbly personality and hopeless romantic ways draw Dan in.....and might just change his mind in the thoughts of love</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  Dan was trying his hardest to focus on the words in his textbook, studying for a quiz, but the the couple next to him were distracting him greatly with their locked lips and fierce noise-making. It was quite disgusting, the way they so publically displayed themselves, and Dan was struggling not to vomit.

  "I love you." The girl said, having finally pulled away from her boyfriend. When Dan heard her say this, he snorted loudly, and the pair glared at him. He looked away, deciding to gather his stuff and just move. He didn't feel like going through any drama with lovesick chicks today.

  There was no such thing as love, at least in Dan's point of view. Sure, there was deep affection and even mild obssession, but calling it 'love' is just trying to sugarcoat it and give it a deeper meaning than neccessary. It was played out, and frankly, it was starting to piss Dan off. Because in high school, the idea of being in love was strong in all the hearts of girls, practically suffocating the halls and classrooms.

  He was walking these same halls, twenty minutes before class, once again awed by his peers ignorance. Why were they so easily convinced by society that everyone had a 'soul mate', someone entailed perfectly to their needs and wants? It was a question that haunted him everyday, and never failed to keep him occupied.

  The bell finally rang, as he put his things in his locker, and Dan headed off to his first class.

  Usually, English class was his favorite class, because Dan was a huge fan of reading and enjoyed the book projects they got. But as the teacher started lecturing about their new lesson plan, Dan knew that this was going to be the one lesson he hated.

  "Love." Was the first thing the teacher said, facing his class. "One of the most powerful feelings that man can possess, but also the most rare. There are countless books written about it, millions of songs portraying it. There's even an entire holiday about it, although not just on the basis of 'love', entirely."

  All the girls were on the edge of their seats, listening to every word the teacher said, and even some of the boys were interested. Dan was glaring at the ceiling, wishing to anything above him that he could be anywhere else right now. This was a whole new torture for him.

  "Mr. Howell." Dan snapped his head to the front. "You alright there?"

  Dan flushed, as all the students turned to look at him, but nodded as he turned his gaze to his desktop.

  "Have you ever been in love, Mr. Howell? Even if it was some blind kind of love, or petty crush at the time."

  Usually, Dan didn't like to start and contreversy in class, preffering to keep his thoughts to himself, but he didn't want to just go along with this bullshit.

  "I don't believe in love, sir." He said, ignoring the glares that the girls threw at him. His teacher looked a bit surprised at this, but then laughed.

  "Not even a smidge? Most teenagers are head over heels for at least one person."

  "Not me. I think its a bit overrated, just teen hormones going haywire."

  "But what about older people? They seem to believe in love as well, can't be teen hormones for them."

  Dan had actually pondered that possibility before, but had nonetheless, come up with an argument.

  "I think that, as teens, people let these hormones convince them that love is a real thing, and when they get older, the idea just never goes away, and they can't stop believing in it. Like an addiction, I suppose. They become starved for attention, for love, and never let the idea go that someone will surely come along and sweep them away. Just a head case, really."

  His teacher looked a bit surprised at his outburst, but shook his head, still smiling. "Well, to each their own, I guess. But, continuing with this love idea........Romeo and Juliet. Anyone familiar with it?"

  Almost everyone raised their hand, but Dan doubted that even half of them had read the damn thing. But Dan didn't really care about his class at the moment, he had other things to worry about.

  Because it was at that moment, that Dan's life took a complete U-turn, whether that was a good or bad thing. Just as their teacher was continuing on with his lecture, the door opened and in walked a new kid. Everyone knew that he was knew, because they'd never seen him before. And everyone knew everyone at this school.

  He was a stand out amongst the other kids, but not really in a bad way. While most people here had more tan to their skin, this boy was extremely pale, almost like a ghost, and his black, black hair contrasted greatly with the blondes and brunettes.

  He ignored the other kids stares and whispers, heading over to the teacher and handing him a slip of paper.  The teacher smiled at him, then faced the class again.

  "Everyone, this is Phillip, or Phil, Lester. He's new here, so try not to be too suffocating on him. Phil, there's an empty seat next to Dan back there, you can sit there."

  Really? Dan thought, groaning as the kid headed over and sat in the desk next to him. He hated having to talk to people, especially new people, and his nerves were already a bit strung from earlier.

  He focused on the teachers words, trying to seem distracted so that Phil wouldn't want to start a conversation.

  "Now, back to R&J. I know its an older form of literature, and it may seem 'boring' to you guys, but its actually quite captivating if you give it a chance. We're going to read it, and do a project on it, due the end of this term. You have to work in pairs, no trios and no loners. We have enough students for that now." He said, gesturing towards Phil.

  "You can pick your own partners, but please try and choose someone you can actually work with and not be constantly distracted by. I'm talking to you two, Chris and PJ."

  The classroom became a death zone, as kids rushed around, pushing and shoving trying to find a suitable partner and get stuck with the leftovers. Dan stayed in his seat, waiting until the madness was over to try and find someone to work with.

  "Hey, Phil" Dan heard someone say quietly, and looked over to see one of the girls in his class, blushing and twirling her hair nervously at the new kid. "Would you, maybe....um, wanna partner with me? You seem like you don't know too many people yet, so....yeah?"

  It was painfully obvious that the girl was only talking to Phil to try and get his attention, and Dan watched them silently, interested in how the new kid would respond.

  "Oh, I totally would." He said, and Dan was actually surprised at how deep his voice was. He was expecting it to be a bit higher. "But Dan and I have already decided to work together."

  "What?" Dan said, shocked at this kids nerve. "We never-"

  "We did." Phil interrupted him. He was looking at him pleadingly, as if saying 'please go along with it, I don't want to work with her.'. 

  "Uh...." He stuttered. He wasn't really used to being put in the spotlight, definately not by strangers. But he found himself nodding his head agreeing with Phil. "Y-yeah. We're gonna be partners, I guess." Phil smiled at him, and turned to the girl again, who looked a bit disapointed, but not too miffed as she hurried over to the next cutest guy.

  "You can't just up and decide that we're going to be partners without my permission, new kid." Dan said, glaring into Phil's shockingly blue eyes.

  "Sorry, I just....really didn't want to work with her." He replied.

  "Well, why not? She seemed nice enough"

  "Yeah, but you look a whole lot more interesting." He winked, and Dan was surprised to feel his face heating up. This guy was definately something else.

  Dan had never classified himself under any sexual orientation. He felt that he would like whoever he did, rather they be male or female. If girls liked him, sure that was okay. Guys, bring it on. He really didn't care. One thing for sure though, he'd never blushed in front of someone, just because they showed a bit of outward affection to him.

  "I guess, okay." Dan said, still a bit weirded out by the sudden events. "Um...yeah. Alright."

  They didn't say anything else to each other, and Dan almost choked an the awkwardness in the air. He was glad when the teacher finally called everyone to attention.

  "Okay, I presume everyone has a partner? Good. We don't have much time left, so next class will be an explanation of this project we'll be doing. Make sure to grab a copy of Romeo and Juliet on your way out, have a nice day everyone!"

  There was rustling and slamming all around, as everyone grabbed their things and proceeded to leave the room. Dan was shoving his binder into his bag, when Phil touched his shoulder lightly.

  "Hey, you think we should exchange numbers, so we can get in touch?" He asked. Dan nodded, pulling out his phone and handing it to Phil, while he typed his number into Phil's contacts. They switched back, and Dan continued shoving things into his bag.

  "I'll see you around?" He heard Phil say, and was turning to respond when he felt Phil press his lips, gently and quickly, against Dan's cheek. And then he was gone, walking out of the classroom as Dan stared after him in shock.

  No one had ever been so openly....physical with him, and definately not people he'd just met twenty minutes ago. It was unnerving, but at the same time, he couldn't deny the weird pull he felt, in his stomach, that made him want to get to know Phil.

  He shook his head violently, trying to shake the weird thoughts from his head. He finished gathering his things, leaving the classroom and heading off to maths class. 

  The rest of the day was pretty dull, compared to his first class, and he was even a bit sad that none of his other classes had Phil in them, not even lunch.

  Dan didn't know exactly what his thoughts were entirely of this new boy, but he didn't dislike him as he thought he first would. He was eccentric, and kind of crazy, but it was apart of his personality, most likely.

  Jesus, he'd just met this boy today, and he was already contemplating the deeper meaning of his actions.


	2. Chapter Two

  Two days later, and Dan was hating this project more than ever. And not just because he had to work with the outgoingly physical and affectionate new kid. Seriously, every time Phil saw Dan, no matter if it was in their first period or just in the hallways, he'd rush over and hug him, touch his arm, anything as long as it involved skin to skin contact. It was really annoying. But he only seemed to do it around Dan, no one else. Not that Dan was watching him or anything.

  And the worst part was that Dan had found out that Phil was one of those hopeless romantic types. He went on and on about love and romance, everything pink hearts and boquets. It was quite sickening.

  This project wasn't helping the situation in any type of way.

  They had to spend the next month and a half, reading Romeo and Juliet and by the end of this term, would present their thoughts of R&Js decisions as lovers.

  But he would deal with that when he needed too. Right now now he was running late to English, because his damned phone hadn't been charged. It was his fault really, but he was too stubborn to care.

  He ran down the halls, not caring about getting in trouble from any teachers. He wasn't really the type of person the be late to class, and he didn't want to start now. He stopped in front od the classroom door, catching his breath before pulling it open and walking inside.

  He wasn't that late, maybe fifteen or twenty minutes, but the class was silent as he stepped inside, all turning to look at him as he entered.

  "Glad you could join us, Mr. Howell." His teacher said. 

  "Sorry, I just.....woke up late. Won't happen again." He mumbled, then hurried to his seat, looking at the floor. To his annoyance, Phil reached over when he sat down and ruffled his hair, earning a glare from Dan. He was too wound up for this kids physicality right now.

  "I didn't know your hair was curly." Phil whispered, smirking. Dan reached up and, sure enough, the thick brown locks were not at their usual straightness. Shit, he'd forgotten to flat iron it this morning.

  "Shut up. I don't....like it." Dan whispered back, glaring at his desk.

  "Why not?" Phil persisted. "I think you look quite.....sexy with it. Like you just had woke up after having making love or something."

  Dan blushed at that comment. It wasn't everyday that someone told you that you looked like sex. He tried to pay attention to what the teacher was going on about up front, but he could feel Phil staring at him, smiling at his red face.

  "Hey, Dan?" Phil whispered again, and Dan rolled his eyes before looking over at him

  "Yes, Phil?"

  "You think maybe I could come over to yours today? So we can at least try and get started on this project?"

  Dan was going to immediately reject the idea, but thought better of it. They really did need to get started on it, many of the other pairs had already. He didn't want to let his annoyance get in the way of getting a good grade.

  "Uh, sure. Do you have a car?"

  "No, I usually take the bus."

  "Okay, meet me after school and I'll give you a ride."

  "Sounds good." Phil said, and turned back to face the front. Dan was just glad he wasn't eye raping him anymore.

  "Alright!" His teacher said loudly. "That's it for today. Make sure you and your partner get started on reading, and I'll see you guys tomorrow. Good day!"

  Dan stood up, grabbing his things quickly and trying to leave before Phil tried anything. He'd almost made it too, but someone grabbed his wrist, preventing him from leaving. He groaned inwardly, turning to face Phil's bright blue eyes and flirty smirk.

  "Hope you have a good rest of the day, Dan." He said, and leaned over to kiss his cheek again. Dan stiffened but didn't try to stop him. "And your hair really is quite good looking like that. You should keep it."

  "Don't tell me what to do." Dan snapped, snatching his wrist from Phil's grip and storming from the room. That boy really wound him up, and he had no idea how to deal with it.

                                 ******************************

  "You ready to go?" Phil said, coming up beside Dan and wrapping an arm around his waist.

  It was after school, and Dan was impatiently waiting for Phil to come so that the could freaking leave already. He pushed Phil's arm away, and started walking out he door to his car. Phil caught up though, and started endlessly chatting about mindless school crap that Dan could care less about. He kept it up, even after they had started driving.

  ".....so my pencils broken in half, Melissa's screaming at me, and Ms. H is just lying on top of her desk, like-"

  "Phil, I really don't care about whatever it is your going on about. Could you maybe not blather on about pointless shit?" Dan said, and he hadn't meant it to sound so harsh, but it shut Phil up and that's what mattered. After a few moments of silence, Dan looked over and saw him looking down at his hands, a bit dejected really. He wasn't going to cry, was he?

"Aw, please don't.....you're not gonna cry, are you? Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh."

  Phil smiled at him, weakly. "Its fine. I know I can be a bit annoying at times. Sometimes I just need someone to call me out and shut me up." 

  Dan glanced over at him a few times, still trying to also watch the road, and sighed. It was weird, seeing him be so reclusive and quiet. But Dan didn't say anything else, just continued driving until they reached his house.

  Phil followed him up the stairs and through the front door, still having not said anything. Dan headed into the kitchen, and was surprised to see his mum at the stove, stirring some sort of liquid in a pot.

  Both his parents were high class business people, and they would constantly be on some trip that left Dan alone for weeks at a time. He was used to having the house to himself, but he was extremely grateful when his parents found some time off to actually be a family. He loved them, of course, he just wished they were around more.

  "Daniel." His mum said, smiling at him. "How was school? Who's your friend?"

  Phil smiled at her warmly, holding out his hand and shaking hers firmly. "I'm Phil, me and Dan have English together. We're working on a project togther"

  "Oh. Well are you staying for dinner, I'm sure I've made enough."

  "No thank you, maybe some other time."

  "Absolutely."

  Well, this was all nice and dandy, but Dan didn't feel like listening to Phil kiss up to his mum.

  "We're gonna be upstairs, mum. Lots of work to do." He grabbed Phil's arm and dragged him away, up the stairs and into his room. They dropped all of their stuff on the floor, and Dan sat in his bed, Phil copying him.

  "So what first?" Dan asked, pulling neccessary things from his bag and setting them next to him.

  "Do you have a girlfriend, Dan?" Phil asked, and Dan was completely caught off guard by that question, he dropped the notebook he was holding onto the floor. He stared at Phil, trying to see if he was serious, and he suee looked it.

  "Um, no. Not currently. Why?"

  "I don't know. You just seem like your handsome enough to be stringing some lucky lady along with you."

  "Well apprently not. Its been some time since I've had a 'lucky lady'."

  "How long?"

  "None of your business." Dan said, but his face flushed lightly. Honestly, he hadn't had a girlfriend since he was 14, and that had only lasted a month at most. "Look, can we just focus on this project? That's why you came over."

  "Not true." Phil said, laying back on the bed and resting his arms behind his head.

  "What do you mean?" Dan asked.

  "Sure, we need to work on the project. But who says we can't spend a little time getting to know each other." He winked at Dan, smiling widely.

  "So your just not gonna do any work?"

  "Are you still a virgin?"

  Dan spluttered, blushing deeper. "Wha- that's not....that's not any of your business!"

  "So you are? That's adorable"

  "Can you stop? That's not.....that's a really personal question."

  "Have you ever even kissed anyone?"

  Dan was furiously red now, looking everywhere but at Phil and fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

  He actually had never kissed anyone. The few relationships he'd been in had never lasted long enough to get that far. He didn't really care, but now that Phil was taking it to the ballpark, he was suddenly very self concious about it.

  "You can practice with me if you want."

  Dan stood up quickly and glared at Phil. "I think you should leave." He said. Phil sat up, looking at him confusedly.

  "What? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you."

  "Yeah, well you did. Just.....please go. I don't feel like dealing with you anymore right now. We can work on this some other time."

  Phil was silent, but stood up and got his bag from the floor. He was just leaving, but turned and faced Dan again.

  "I really am sorry. I don't have much boundary with people, and it gets me into trouble a lot, so......"

  "Just go."

  And he did. Dan groaned and sat back on his bed. Phil got under his skin, big time, and not in a good way. It was irritating, and made him crazy. But he couldn't stop the feeling in his gut, the feeling that he was strangely attracted to the boy. Not intamately, he just felt like getting to know him. But he made it difficult, being the way that he was.

  His life had been perfectly normal before Phil had jumped into it,.and now he was being tested in ways he was sure were too much to handle. It was gonna be hell, these next few weeks


	3. Chapter 3

Dan was hesitant on going to school the next day. He'd felt bad about yelling at Phil like that, cause even though he was a being an annoying prick, he was just curious. And Dan knew he had to apologize....just maybe not right now.

  He went as far as pretending he was sick, but his mum saw right through it and forced him out of bed.

  He was dragging his feet in the halls, prolonging his having to go to English. But he eventually reached the door, and headed inside. He couldn't chicken out now.

  He saw Phil was sitting in his usual seat, but when Dan sat down, he didn't feel him up like normal, just kept staring ahead and twirling his pencil through his fingers. Dan glanced over at him and sighed. He really didn't want to do this.

  "Hey, Phil?" He said, and Phil looked over at him to let him know he was listening to him, turning his head back to the front quickly. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, okay? Its just, you were asking quite a lot of personal things, and I'm not really used to opening up to other people about my life. And I'm sorry I kicked you out. I just....needed some time alone." He paused, staring at Phil's still blank expression. "Will you say something? Its not normal for you to be so quiet."

  "You can redeem yourself by kissing me."

  Dan sat for a moment, then shook his head, smirking. "You asshat." Phil was laughing, and he reached over to ruffle Dan's hair.

  "Good morning everyone!" The teacher yelled out, as he walked into the room, smiling at them weirdly. "Today will be spent working on your projects. Everyone find your partners, and ask each other, 'What would you do for someone you loved?' Great way to start this off. Let's go, chop chop!"

  There was rustling and scraping all around the room as people went to find their partners, and Phil turned in his seat to face Dan.

  "You never answered my question yesterday. About kissing anyone."

  Dan rolled his eyes at him, but decided to give him an answer. Its not like it was much of a secret.

  "No, I've never kissed anyone. Ever."

  "Well that's just horrid. How do you live, knowing your a kiss virgin?"

  "Shut up, and let's do some work for once. So um, what would you do for someone you loved?" He asked sarcastically, but Phil smiled wide and got this dreamy look on his face.

  "For someone I truly loved? I'd do anything. I'd give them everything they wanted and more. I'd be there whenever they needed me, hell I'd probably kill myself if it meant they were happy. I just....I really think that going through all that hell would be worth it, as long as you both love each other." 

  Dan couldn't hold it back, and he burst out laughing, causing Phil to snap back from his fantasy world and look at him quizzically.

  "I'm sorry." Dan gasped. "Its just, your logic is so.....forgive me, but its so stupid."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Phil. Why in God's name would you want to go through all that shit, for one person? It sounds so crazy. Its not gonna last forever you know."

  Phil smiled at him, not seeming at all fazed by Dan's shoot down. "I don't think you've ever felt too strongly about anyone, Dan. If you ever found someone special, I think you'd understand what I'm going on about."

  Dan looked down at his hands, processing Phil's words. It was true, he'd never had someone he felt extremely close to. He'd always thought that it was pointless, because its not like relationships last forever. There was never a need to make close ties with people. But after only a few days with Phil, he was seeing it differently. Maybe having a close friend, even a serious boyfriend or girlfriend, wasn't terrible.

  "But why devote yourself to something, if one day its just going to leave? Whether by choice or by force. It seems like too much effort to be putting into one person." Dan asked, and Phil laughed at him.

  "It doesn't matter. You're not supposed to be thinking about when its going to end, its all about living in the moment. As long as you're happy with where you are, the future becomes sort of hazy."

  Dan stared at him, this eccentric, energectic boy that could be so quiet and serious when he wanted to be. He was such a paradox, but it suited him in a way. Dan found it quite exciting to be around, because he'd been on his own for some time now. Having someone bargenin and shake up his life....it was fun.

  "I guess its.....a possibility. Maybe."

  "And what about you, Daniel? How far would you go for someone you truly deeply loved. Not in a familial way, either."  

  "Never thought about it." He admitted, scratching his neck. "I mean, I don't really believe in the whole 'love' thing, so that's probably why-"

  "What do you mean you don't believe in love?" Phil interrupted. He was gazing at Dan with fascination, leaning forward in his seat with his chin resting in his closed fists.

  "I mean, I don't believe in it, I don't think it exists. I feel that people get so caught up in their own needs, and the things they want, that they try and make up an excuse for it by calling it love. Media doesn't help either, it just encourages them that there's someone out there, made specifically for you. And people believe, and do the stupidest things cause of it."

  "We can't help it." Phil said. "You can't tell me that there isn't one person, not even a person maybe a thing or an idea, that you went through all kinds of crap to get or to achieve. Its the same thing with love; you do absolutely everything you can to get that person, no matter the consequences. And its all worth it."

Dan sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I just don't think its worth all the trouble just for one measly human being."

"Yeah, well most people aren't depressed like you, Dan." Phil replied, and laughed.

  They didn't say anything else to each other after that. Dan proceeded to doodle aimlessly in his notebook until the class ended, and was going to leave before Phil grabbed his arm and turned him around.

  "You're a very difficult person, you know that?" He said, but he was still smiling. Dan just stared at him, choosing not reply. He didn't move though, as Phil leaned over and kissed him.

  But not on the cheek this time, no, right on the lips. For at least three seconds too. In the middle of the classroom. With people. But then he was gone as always, out the door before Dan could properly react.

  Sure, Phil had always been handsy from the start, but Dan never would have thought he would surpass boundries like that. You don't just go around kissing people like that, it was weird and very irrational.

  But even then, Dan couldn't prevent himself from thinking of it for the rest of the day, and blushing slightly every time he did.

                           ************************************

  "Why the hell did you do that for?"

  It was after school, and Dan had searched the halls endlessly until he'd found Phil, on the second floor. He'd been all wound up the whole day, and he didn't like it one bit.

  "What do you mean?" Phil asked, genuine confusion in his eyes.

  "I mean.....in English, why'd you.....why did you kiss me?" He stuttered, looking at his feet nervously.

  Phil smirked, closing his locker and leaning against it. "You still thinking about it? Does that mean you liked it?"

  "Shut up. That's not....." He blushed deeply, because in all honesty, he had liked it. "That's not the point-"

  "So you did like it."

  "Would you shut up? You can't just go round locking lips with anyone you want, you know."

  "But you're not complaining, are you?"

  Dan sighed heavily, rolling his eyes. There was just no getting through to him.

  The halls were starting to empty out as people left for home, and soon enough it was just Dan and Phil, and maybe some teachers. Phil didn't seem as if he was leaving any time soon, and Dan wasn't done with him yet.

  "I have this thing about personal space, and you really test those limits." Dan said, trying to keep up his confidence facade, but Phil was staring at him, so hard like he was drilling holes inside of his face. "I just think you get a bit irrational at times and-"

  "Dan." Phil cut him off, standing straight and placing his hands on either side of his Dan's neck. "I'm really sorry if I make you uncomfortable, but you're way too fun to play with."

  Dan swallowed anxiously, because Phil had come quite close, and he could feel his breath on his face and his body practically aligned with his own. It made him nervous for some reason, but something else stirred in his stomach, the urge to.....touch him. And so he did.

  He reached up, pressing his hands against Phil's chest and pushing him back so that he was between Dan and the row of lockers. Curling his fingers into his shirt, he leaned up and crashed his lips against Phil's.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan was never the bold type of person. He never made the first move in realtionships, hell he'd hardly had any moves made on him in relationships. But it was.....nice.

  Phil didn't push him away when Dan kissed him, but instead wrapped his arms around Dan's waist and dug his fingers into his back, pulling him closer so that there was no space in between their bodies. It was electrifying, being this close to him, and Dan was surprised to find that he never wanted to let go. He tangled his fingers into Phil's longish hair, tugging it lightly which made Phil moan quietly. And man, was that not the sexiest thing Dan had ever heard.

  He wasn't usually the dominant type, but with Phil, it was pretty easy to take control of the situation. Phil opened his mouth slightly, and Dan took that moment to slide his tongue into his mouth. They both groaned at the contact. 

  After a few moments of intense making out, Phil pulled away for air, but Dan didn't want to stop this, and started brushing his lips along Phil's jaw and moving down to his neck. Phil leaned his head back against the wall, and Dan pulled the collar of his shirt away so he could lick along his collar bone and the top of his chest.

  It was then that he snapped out of whatever lust filled haze he was in and pulled away quickly. They were both breathing hard, and Phil's blue eyes were darkened with need, but Dan restrained himself from going over and losing himself again. It had gone far enough already and he didn't want to do something he'd regret.

  "I....I'm sorry, I just..." He mumbled.

  "Its alright, perfectly fine." Phil said, but Dan shook his head fiercly.

  "I need to go." He said, before running away like the coward he was.

                              ********************************

  Two days later, and Dan was still being a wuss. He hadn't been to school since the....kiss, because he didn't have the courage to face Phil.

  He had no idea what had come over him, but he didn't want it to happen again. And he was sure, that with Phil's persistance, that it would most likely happen again.

  His mind was all messed up, thoughts all twisting together until it made him dizzy. 

  Phil had constantly been calling and texting him, asking him where he was and what was happening with him, but Dan never responded. He'd been curled under his blanket the whole time, only venturing out of his room to use the restroom or get food. He did even that rarely.

  And at night, he barely got any sleep, and woke as tired as always. He had started having dreams, not nightmares, just things he never usually dreamed about. He had all these weird feelings twisting through his stomach, and he wasn't used to it, and didn't like it.

  But the thing was, even though he told himself over and over again that he didn't have feelings for Phil, that he hadn't enjoyed him, that he hadn't relived it time after time, he knew it was lie. He didn't know what it was, but he had grown so used to the boy, and his odd, quirky ways. He found it weird to be away from him for this long, but he was too afraid act on these feelings. He was pathetic, really, and so very stupid.

  But he couldn't help it, so he just stayed where he was. Locked in his room and safe from all the unwanted drama.


	5. Chapter 5

Eventually, Dan had to show up to school, no matter how much he was against the idea, because he still had to go to class and get good grades. And he had to suck up whatever selfish guilt he was feeling and face Phil, because whether he liked it or not, they had to work on this project together, and they hadn't even gotten started. 

So with a racing heart and a weary mind, he got up that morning and dragged himself to school.

He was early, as always, and the halls were mostly empty except for the teachers and the occasional student. Dan liked showing up early, usually because it gave him some extra time to do any unfinished homework. And it was kinda nice, with the halls not all clogged up with sweaty jocks and high maintenance girls.

And it also gave him time to think about what exactly he was going to do about Phil, when the time came. It was pointless trying to ignore what had happened, because Phil was sure to never let it go. If anything it would just encourage him in his go-getter ways. And he couldn't be an asshole and tell Phil to fuck off about it, because that wasn't the type of thing he usually did. The only real option was to acknowledge it, put it in the past and just move on. Or at least try to.

So when the bell rang, announcing the start of lessons, Dan was all prepared to handle this. He had a speech and everything.

But Phil never showed up. He remained MIA the entire period, and Dan was forced to at least start reading the insufferable play they were working with.

Where the hell was he? In the two weeks he'd been going here he hadn't missed a day, and even though that wasn't a big deal, it still made Dan worry. Was something wrong, was he sick or something?

'Or maybe its because of me' he thought, and something told him that that was exactly it. He hadn't shown up for the last two days himself, because of what had happened. Maybe Phil wasn't so quick to forget it, like him.

He had to go and see him. It was a quick and irrational decision, amd Dan was sure it could lead to nothing good. But he had to make sure he was alright, and hadn't done something stupid.

Only problem was.......where the fuck did he live?

***********************************

After school, Dan was sitting in his car in front of Phil's house, trying to work up the balls to actually go up and knock on the door.

He'd had to beg the lady in the office to give him Phil's info, and endure some awkward flirting, but it was worth it. At least, he hoped.

Every time he made to get out of the car, some crazy scenario went through his head and made him hesitate. What if Phil was mad at him and didn't want to talk to him? What if he wasn't even there, and the house was empty? He'd be wasting his time. And what if.....

.....what if he was over reacting like a prat? It was Dan that had started the....kiss, but it wasn't like Phil had stopped him. He'd kissed him back, actually. So it was just as much his doing as it was Dan's.

So with a sigh of resignation, Dan pushed his door open and headed up the drive, to the front door. His stomach was still twisting itself into knots, but he had to suck it up and face the music now. 

He knocked on the door quickly, before he could chicken out, and held his breath as he waited. Soom enough, he heard footsteps approaching, and he looked up slightly as the door swung open, revealing what could only be Phil's mum. She smiled down at him, and he smiled back politely.

"Hello dear." She said. "And who might you be?"

"I, uh....I'm a friend of Phil's. We're working on a project together, and I haven't seen him in a few days. Thought I'd check in." Dan said, shuffling his feet a bit.

"Oh, well that's so kind of you. He's been feeling ill these past few days, so I kept him in. He's upstairs, second door to the left."

He thanked her as he stepped past, into the living room and making his way to the stairs. He wasn't too curious about seeing where the eccentric Phil lived, mostly because he felt as if he was going to vomit. He stopped in front of the door the lady had inquisited, and knocked on it.

"I've already told you, mum, I don't need anything!" Phil shouted from the other side, and Dan almost laughed.

"Its, uh, not your mum."

There was some movement from the inside the room, and then the door was flung open, and Dan was face to face with a shirtless Phil who was staring at him in shock. Dan was trying not to stare at his chest, because as much as he didn't want to admit it, he felt his own body reacting just at the sight.

"Dan." Phil said finally. He was staring at him so intensely, it was making him feel very self concious, so he looked at the ground with his face starting to turn red.

"Hey." He responded. "I just.....came to check in on you. Hadn't seen you in a few days, since the.....you know. Um. I actually came to apologize." He was a stuttering mess, and his face was getting hotter by the second.

"For what?" Phil asked quietly. Dan glanced up at him through his fringe shyly, slightly embarrased of the situation.

"The other day. When I kissed you like that. I'm sorry, I didn't really think about it, I just......did it."

Phil was silent, and Dan waited agonizingly for him to say something, anything, because he was so damn nervous.

"You can, uh, come in." He finally said, and Dan sighed in relief as he stepped into Phil's room. Looking around, he saw the it was almost exactly as he expected it to be. The walls were painted a deep blue, but you could barely tell because there were posters and other bits of paper plastered over it. There were clothes strewn across the floor and on the large bed, and even on the desk that was pushed against the far wall.

It was messy, but it also had a certain order to it, if that made any sense, and Dan couldn't help but think that it was just so....Phil.

"I didn't really think you'd come all the way over here just to see me." Phil said from behind him, and Dan turned to see he was pulling on a shirt. And for some reason it made him disappointed.

"I didn't come to just see you. I told you, I wanted to-"

"Apologize, I know." Phil interupted, smirking slightly. "But for what?"

"For.....kissing you, like that. I didn't mean to, and I'm sorry, I didn't want you to hate me or anything."

"And why would you think that I hate you?"

"Because, you don't like me. At least, not like that. And you haven't been at school, I thought you were avoiding me."

Phil laughed at him, shaking his head and holding his stomach. Dan just stared at him, waiting for him to explain what the hell was so funny. When he'd finally calmed down, Phil moved so that he was standing as close as possible to Dan, reaching up and holding both sides of his neck.

"Are you serious?" Phil whispered, and he was so close that his breath swept across Dan's face. "I don't hate you, Dan. That kiss....the only thing it did to me was make me want to try harder."

Dan was kinda confused about what exactly was happening, but he was just glad that Phil didn't hate him.

"What do you mean try harder?" He asked, and Phil chuckled.

"Try harder to make you fall in love in love with me."


	6. Chapter Six

Phil wasn't kidding about upping his advances on Dan. He had lost what little sense of personal space he possessed, and was constantly touching, kissing, and occasionally licking Dan whenever he could. It was suffocating, but in a somewhat affectionate way, and even though Dan had tried many times to stop, he never backed down. And so he had gotten used to it.

It was really strange, because Dan usually swore off any kind of physical contact that wasn't neccessary. But with Phil it was different. He didn't know what it was, but he didn't know if he liked it or not.

It was a few days after the whole 'Make-You-Fall-In-Love-With-Me' thing. School had let out not too long ago, and Phil was clinging to Dan's arm as they walked to Dan's locker. They were gonna head over to his house to start on the project, and Dan hoped that it wouldn't be as disaterous as last time.

They hadn't had any more discussion of Dan kissing Phil, but they had just mutually agreed to let it go. 

After the long (and excruciating) drive over to his house, they went inside and up to his room. His mum wasn't home this time so they didn't have to worry about any distractions from her. 

"And we're actually going to work this time. No weird stuff, we do have to finish this." Dan was saying as they flopped onto the bed and started pulling things from their bags. They had at least started reading the play, all they really needed to do was take notes and compare them.

For the next half hour, it was silent except for the sound of pages flipping and the scratch of pens on paper. It was a lot of work, since the wording was so difficult and almost impossible to understand, but they were making progress.

And as the time wore on, Dan couldn't stop himself from thinking just how stupid these two characters were. They did the most mind blowing things, all for the attention of the other. It was all so uneccessary and stupid. Juliet was younger than him, for Christs sake. Dan just didn't understand his todays people admired this story so much. He almost vomited at the things they went on about.

But Phil was definately a different story. He just looked so engrossed in the pages, he didn't seem to be aware of anything else. His eyes were glazed over slightly, and glued to the book. Every once in a while he would sigh dreamily, and it was really distracting.

"I just love this story so much." He said out loud. Dan looked up from his writing to stare at him. 

"Seems like a load of bullshit to me." He replied, and Phil gaped at him, eyes wide.

"How could you possibly think that?" He said. "This story has got to be the most beautiful thing anyone has ever written or read."

"I just think the whole thing is dumb."

"You're so damn stubborn, Dan. What is it that made so repulsed by the idea of two people loving each other?" Phil asked, and he looked so genuinely curious.

Dan smirked. "I don't find it repulsive, I just don't think its real." He said. 

He'd never had much contraversy when it came to his views on this subject, mostly because people didn't usually know about it. It wasn't on his list of things to tell people. He'd never had to argue his side before, but with Phil, he was constantly trying to defend his point of view. And if he was being honest, he actually really enjoyed the arguments.

Phil shifted so that he was a bit closer to Dan. "You can't tell me that there isn't just a small part of you that has a tiny ounce of love for one person in the entire world." He said, and he was smiling at the same time.

"My parents." 

"Not including them."

"I've never loved anyone, Phil. Sure, I've liked people in a sort of intimate way, and I've had crushes. But never love. And I never will." Dan said. He didn't know why Phil always brought it up, but he always got the same answer.

"So when you kissed me the other day." Phil said, and Dan sighed. He thought they were over that. "You didn't feel anything, nothing at all?"

"It was pure lust, I guess."

Phil moved even closer, so that now their knees were just touching, and Dan was becoming uneasy about what his intentions were.

"And I take it you're not lusting after me anymore?" He asked. Dan nodded. "And so if I were to kiss you again, you would stop me."

"Of course." Dan replied. He had a feeling he knew what was going to happen next.

And he was right, because then Phil was getting onto his knees, leaning over and moving closer to Dan. Dan himself was moving back, trying to get away from Phil, but he eventually hit the wall and was forced to stay where he was.

"Phil." He said, a bit weakly because Phil was brushing his lips against Dan's neck softly. He had to bite his lip to keep from making some embarrassing noises, because that was one of his more sensitive spots. He hated so much that his body was reacting to Phil's touch, and he couldn't control it for his life. God, he must look like such an idiot right now, after spewing all that crap before.

"Yes Dan?" Phil whispered into his ear, biting it softly before moving back down to his throat. Dan was just about to protest and tell him to back off, but Phil bit down gently on his skin, and damn that must have been his soft spot, because he couldn't hold back the loud moan that left his lips from the feeling.

He was so fucking weak. He shouldn't be so damn vulnerable, he knew that letting this happen was just giving Phil free will to do whatever he pleased. But he couldn't help it if it was just so good. He'd never had someone do these kind of things to him, and he'd never enjoyed himself so immensely.

Phil just kept working on that same spot, biting and sucking on it, and Dan was just letting out sounds he'd never imagined he could make. In the back of his mind, he knew that there was going to be a hickey left behind, but he just didn't care too much at the moment.

He felt Phil tugging at the bottom of his shirt, and that's where he should have drawn the line, but fuck it, he wanted to see where exactly this was going. This was as far as he'd ever gotten with someone. So he lifted his arms, and Phil helped to pull the shirt over his head, messing up his hair slightly in the process.

When his shirt was gone, Phil instantly started kissing Dan's chest, and he grabbed the back of his thighs, pulling him forward until he was laying on his back.

Their last kiss was fucking nothing compared to this one. This one was just plain reckless, with no seeming end to it. And Dan would be lying if he said that this wasn't the least bit fun.

Phil was still moving downwards, licking, kissing biting every bit of skin he could reach, and Dan reached down to tangle his fingers roughly into his hair. Phil let out a satisfied groan when he did, and bit down particularly hard on Dan's hips. It hurt, but it also felt so damn good.

It was when Phil started to undo the top of Dan's jeans that he decided to end whatever they were doing. He wouldn't have minded letting it go further, oh fuck he wouldn't have minded. He just didn't want to do something that he would regret later. And plus, Phil was only doing this to get a reaction out of him. Which he had succeeded in doing, because Dan was hard as a rock and as horny as he'd ever been. And with that thought, Dan pushed Phil's hands away and sat up, pulling his legs up with him.

They were both breathing extremely hard, and Phil's hair was a mess from Dan's fingers. Dan was aching a bit from Phil's teeth, but it didn't stop him from also feeling satisfied. It had been too long since he'd ventured out of his comfort zone like that, and it was quite an adventure doing so.

"Why'd you stop? You seemed to be enjoying yourself. At least, that's what I thought, from the noises you were making." Phil said, smiling a bit smugly at Dan, who was blushing.

"Too far." Was all he could manage. He was still a bit hazy, and the feelings were still rushing through his system: lust, need, and something else he couldn't really name.

"I think I may have, uh...left some marks on you." Phil said, pointing at Dan basically everywhere above the waist. Dan touched his chest lightly, and stood up, hurrying to the bathroom.

"Fuck." He whispered. There were dark purplish bruises all over his chest and stomach, and one even on his shoulder. But the worst part was the two on his neck, in plain sight of anyone who looked at him. And they were huge too. It was gonna be a bitch, trying to hide those.

He sighed, but decided to worry about that later. Right now, he had bigger things to worry about. Because he'd done it again, let his guard down against Phil. And look where he was, with love bites the size of tennis balls. 

"Do you want me to leave?" Phil asked when he returned to the room. Dan pulled on his shirt once again, sighing again as he saw that the large bruises were still visible.

"I think that'd be best right now." He said. Phil slowly stood up, gathering his things from the floor where they had been thrown off, and heading to the door. He turned back to face Dan once, but didn't say anything, just looked at him and then left.

What the hell was he going to do now? That was twice now that Dan had succumbed to Phil, and if it happened again, he had no doubt he could control himself. He'd just have to put his foot down, tell Phil to cool it down or else......or else what? There was nothing serious he could threat him with, and even he did, Phil wasn't one to take it seriously. He'd do whatever he pleased

When had things become so fucking complicated?


	7. Chapter seven

Thank Jesus it was a weekend, because Dan really didn't feel like being out through Phil's unavoidable teasing and flirting. He had way too much stuff going on in his life, just from the last two weeks, and he really needed a break from it all. Plus, he still needed to find an effective way to hide the still dark bruises on his throat. Damn Phil, and that mouth of his.

The thing was, and even though he hated admitting it, he might just be developing some kind of feelings for the boy. No matter the things he'd done, pushing Dan to his limit and making him snap, there was something appealing about him. And Dan didn't know if they were serious feelings, or just the lust talking. Because damn, he had to admit that Phil was skilled in the lust department.

It was all so confusing. He'd never had these types of feelings before, not for anyone. It made him nervous, because Phil was changing him, the way he felt, the way he acted. Two weeks ago, he wouldn't even consider that someone would come along and do this to him, in such a short span of time.

But the worse part was that, for some crazy, sadistic reason, Dan liked it. He liked being constantly pushed by Phil, he liked the way his stomach turned whenever he thought about the things they did, and fuck did he really like the things they did. He wasn't even that mad about the hickies, it was just another way that he belonged to Phil.

This is so messed up, he thought. Even though it was the weekend, Phil was still there, permeating every thought Dan had, and every dream. Dan had been trying his hardest not to fall asleep, because he didn't want to succumb to this weakness, but it didn't really work, no matter how much coffee he drank.

And the dreams weren't exactly PG...

It just really bothered Dan that Phil was affecting him like this. And Phil knew exactly what he was doing, and he just kept pushing it. 

School was going to be a bitch.

**********************************

The only way that Dan could possibly hide the love bites was using make up from his parents room and putting on thick layers of it. It made his neck look a bit weird, but he'd rather have that then anyone see the marks there. That would not be good. So after spending about twenty minutes on that, he headed off to school. 

His stomach was churning the moment he stood in front of the doors. He really had no idea what to expect when he walked in, and he hated that. Never before had he been uncertain about anything, and now he was about everything. It was driving him crazy. 

He kept his head down as he walked through the halls to his locker. He felt as if everyone was watching him, and could see all the things he'd done in the last few days. He felt like everyone saw right through the heavy make up on his neck. He was way too paranoid. 

He breathed a sigh of relief as he reached his locker, and hastily opened it to grab his things for English. 

English. Shit. 

Why the fuck did he have to have first period with Phil. There was no time at all to prepare for what was sure to come, and he was in no way ready to face it. 

It wasn't even the make out session they'd had that made him nervous. It was these new feeling that he had. He just wasn't sure how he was going to react when he saw Phil, but there was no doubt it would be completely irrational. 

He spent every precious second before class, trying to ready himself, but the bell eventually rang, and he grudgingly headed off to first period. 

He hesitated in front of the door, taking a deep breath before opening the door and walking in the classroom. He kept his eyes on the floor though, as he made his way to his desk in the back, and didn't look up as he sat down. He knew Phil was there, but he didn't acknowledge him. 

They were supposed to be comparing notes for the whole class period, but Dan was just sitting there with no intention of doing so. Not if it meant interacting with Phil. It was going well until about halfway through the lesson, when Phil decided to make the first move. 

"Are you going to look at me at all?" He asked mockingly, spinning in his seat to face Dan, but Dan still refused to meet his eyes. 

"Not unless I have to."

"I think that working on this project together requires you to look at me."

"Not if I try hard enough."

"Christ, Dan, I didn't mean to kiss you like that on Friday." Phil exclaimed, and Dan scoffed at him. 

"Didn't mean to?" He started. "So it was a fucking accident, was it? You just, accidentally, stuck your tongue down my throat, and you just happened rip my shirt off. I have to wear a fucking inch layer of make up just to cover the marks you left. Accident my ass." He tried to keep his voice a bit lower, because they were in class, but it took everything he had not to shout at Phil. 

"The marks are still there?" Phil asked, smirking slightly. Dan picked up his notebook and hit Phil in the arm. 

"This is not the bloody time to be bragging about your damned love bites!" Dan whispered harshly, but it didn't matter what he did, Phil continued to smirk at him. He was so damn annoying. 

"Everything okay back there, gentlemen?" The teacher asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. 

"Perfect." Phil replied, smiling at him, and he went back to the other pairs. 

Dan angrily pulled out R&J and his notes, glaring down at them and paying no attention to Phil.

"Can I just as you one question though?" Phil asked, and Dan sighed aggressively, but nodded. "When I did kiss you, you felt something, right? It wasn't just me?"

Dammit. Dan clenched his fists, still staring at his desk. He had really hoped that Phil wouldn't bring that up, but apparently, no such luck. He stayed silent, but he could still feel Phil's blue eyes boring into him. He sighed heavily, before shaking his head. 

"No, no feelings. Just.... lust again, I guess. Sorry." He said, and he was lying through his teeth. Literally, he was clenching his teeth so that the words he wanted to say didn't come bursting out. He wasn't used to holding things in like this, and it was hard. Dan risked a glance over at Phil, and was shocked to see that he looked a bit disappointed. That wasn't his usual behavior, no, he should be trying some extreme and slightly sexual way to come onto Dan. But Dan ignored it, because as long as Phil was off his case, he was fine. 

After another few minutes of tense silence, Dan nearly jumped when Phil started laughing. 

"What's so damn funny?" He asked sharply, glaring at the boy next to him. 

"Nothing." He replied. "It's just so obvious that you're lying."

Dan rolled his eyes, then continued to stare holes into the papers that sat on his desk in front of him. Goddamn that boy, and his excellent perception skills. 

Because they both knew that he was lying.


	8. Chapter eight

The rest of the day was surprisingly uneventful. Dan didn't see Phil again at all, and he was both glad and disappointed by that.

He had fully accepted that he had feelings for Phil, but that didn't mean he was going to act on them anytime soon. Mostly because he didn't know how to. He wasn't very experienced in this area, and hen didn't have a clue how to approach it. He decided that the best thing to do was to keep it to himself, because if he let Phil know about his newfound feelings, and how he didn't know what to do, Phil was surely going to use it to his advantage. And that wasn't usually a good thing.

He was disappointed though, because even if he was unsure about what to do, he did like the way he felt; the way his stomach fluttered every time Phil smiled or laughed, how he blushed every time Phil said something nice to him, and he especially liked the way Phil left him wanting more, of everything. He constantly found himself daydreaming about one thing or another, whether it was a harmless make out session, or something much more R-rated.

He didn't want one indulge himself in these things though, because he knew it would be dangerous. Dan wasn't the type of person who was dependant on others, and definitely not because they made him feel some cheap butterflies. But his relationship with Phil was quickly turning into that. He felt as if he needed that boy, and he tried his hardest not to think of himself as becoming addicted.

And the fact that they had to constantly see each other, in order to finish this stupid project, was in no way helping with the situation.

At the end of the day, Dan made his way quickly to his locker, trying to avoid a certain someone for as long as he could. He knew they had to see each other, talk to each other eventually, but he was putting it off as much as possible. He grabbed the necessary books from the locker, stuffing them in his bag before heading towards the huge front doors, and he was almost free, so close to glorious freedom, when someone grabbed his arm and held him back. Three guesses as to who it was.

"You're avoiding me." Phil said, and even though he was smiling, as if he thought the whole thing was amusing, Dan could clearly see the hurt and worry in his blue eyes. It made his stomach twist with guilt, and he bowed his head so he wouldn't have to face the sadness in them.

"I'm not." He whispered, and Phil snorted loudly.

"You don't have to sugar coat anything for me, Dan, I'm a big boy. I just want to know why."

"There is no why, I'm not-"

"Look at me." Phil said, so sharply that Dan couldn't help but look up from his shoes and at him. He didn't look so sad now, irritated and somewhat angry was more like it. "I completely understand why you're angry with me, for always invading you personal space and stuff. And I know I always test you limits with the things that I do. I say a lot of things you probably don't like, and do a lot of things as well. But you and I know full well that trying to stay out of my way is, firstly, almost impossible, considering we have this project to finish. And we've barely started as it is. And secondly, it's no use, because the feelings that you have for me, and don't even try lying about it, I know you do....they won't go away, no matter how hard you try. So you can hate me all you want, but that isn't going to stop me from continuing to try, and its not going to stop the things that are happening to you."

It was silent between them for the longest of moments, and the hallways around them were slowly starting to empty out, but Dan couldn't think of anything to say to all that. Because it was true, every single word of it. He could try and hate Phil as much as he wanted, for the things that he had done and would most likely continue to do. But it didn't stop the weird feelings in his stomach and chest. Dan feared that they would never go away, and that he would always think of this boy with the bright blue eyes, when he was older and probably married. And there was also the nameless part of him that thought of being with him in the future.

Dan let out a breath, folding his arms aross his chest and staring at Phil expresionlessly. He really hoped that his eyes didn't give away the confusion rolling round inside of him.

"Why me?" He asked finally, breaking the quiet. "I mean, you barely know me, and you're always trying so hard to.....impress me or get under my skin. I've pushed you away so many times. Why not just go on with someone more willing, there are plenty of them."

Phil laughed, reaching out and resting his slim hands on Dan's shoulders lightly. "Honestly? I first started trying with you, because it was fun watching you break. Even fom the very start, I knew I had to have you, to make you mine. It makes me sound like a douche bag, I know, but it's true. You were so stubborn, and I like a challenge, really. But after a few days, of actually getting to know you some, and I found out you were so innocent....my whole priority changed. I wanted you still, but for a completely different reason. I found myself actually, physically hurting whenever you pushed me away, or ignored me. And how you hate the idea of love so much...I wanted to....want to change your mind. And I will."

"So, what, its all some kind of game? To see if you can make me 'fall in love' with you?" Dan said, trying to sound angry and not hurt by that. So Phil really didn't care about him then. He should have known.

Phil stared at him, seeminly shocked, before shaking his head. "No, that's not...I didn't mean it like that. I'm not playing with your emotions, Dan. Dammit, I honest to God love you."

They both froze, Phil because of what he had said, and Dan because of that and because he had never actually heard Phil say a proper swear before. It as kinda weird. And it was so awkward right now. Phil looked so scared, as if Dan would kill him for what he had said. But Dan was too shell shocked to actually act on it.

"I don't...that was a mistake." Phil spluttered, his pale face turning a brilliant shade of red. "I mean, not a mistake, I meant it, I just...I didn't mean to say it. Out loud. Not that there's anything wrong with it, me saying it. I just....don't think you really care?" He was so red, the flush creeping from his face and down his neck. Even at this moment, Dan couldn't help but think it was fucking adorable, how flustered the boy was. Because he was usually so confident and easy going, and now he was an embarassed mess. "I'll shut up now..." He trailed off slowly, moving back a bit and wringing his fingers together.

"Phil....." Dan started, but he didn't have a clue what to ay at that moment. He was so grateful that the halls were empty now, so no one could see the this mess that was a conversation. His brain as mush, he couldn't think right. All because Phil had said that one stupid word. And now it was all different.

"I'm so stupid." Phil muttered, as he slowly started to back away. "Just...I'm sorry, forget I ever said anything. I have to go. See you tomorrow." He waved slightly, before practically running away from Dan and out the door.

Dan didn't move, talk, barely breathed for the next ten minutes or so. It as only when the janitor told him the building was about to close that he snapped out of it and left, going home finally.

Honestly, the day had gone much worse than Dan had anicipated. Him and Phil were surely on such thin ice with each other, it would take the slightest thing to send them crashing into oblivion. And Dan was almost one hundred percent sure that it would be him that broke it.


	9. Chapter nine

Dan didn't see Phil at all for the rest of the week. He didn't even come to class, and Dan never saw him in the halls either. 

Even with his newly discovered feelings, Dan couldn't help but be a tiny bit relieved about this. He finally had a break from all the pressure put on him by being around Phil, and it was pretty damn peaceful. Of course, then came the guilt about feeing that way, and then the anger at feeling guilt. It was just plain crazy, the rest of that week. Dan tried his hardest to keep Phil out of his mind, and focus on other things like school and the project. It was sort of difficult, having to do it alone, but Dan managed.

The weekend after that, Dan holed himself up in his room, and only left to get food and go to the bathroom. His parents were both gone on some business trips, and it was very quiet, and lonely. He sort of wished there was someone in the house, even if they didn't interact at all. And since there was nothing to distract him, Dan of course couldn't help but think of Phil.

Now that Dan knew that Phil supposedly loved him, there was nothing stopping his mind from overreacting. There was no barrier to his thoughts, and they just kept coming, daydreams, creative imagines, made up conversations. Usually, he had a limit, because he had previously thought that Phil would not appreciate it (even if he didn't know about them), but that was all thrown to Hell now. 

Dan had finished Romeo & Juliet by Sunday, and he suddenly found that the whole story wasn't as stupid as he had originally thought. Because for some reason, he kept imagining him and Phil in their shoes. 

The back stories didn't exactly match up, but the idea was sort of the same. They could be considered star crossed lovers, or whatever, by society, because of the fact that they were both men. The only differences, really, were the fact that their parents were involved, and that they didn't act on their feelings towards each other.

But it scared Dan, because this meant that his views on love, everthing that he had ever thought about it, and evey argument he had ever made against it....was just changing. He felt that, maybe the whole love things wasn't just stereotypcal and bullshit.

He didn't full blown love Phil or anything, but there was definately something there, something he was nervous about discovering. And all of this had happened because of some stupid boy. Phil had just waltzed into his life, with his stupid pretty blue eyes, and great kissing skills, and turned Dan's life fucking upside down. And now he was gone, with no explanation and no apology. And Dan was angry about that.

Because who was he, to just say he loved Dan, out of nowhere, and then leave without a trace? And he had gotten Dan all riled up, with his words and actions, and now he was gone? Bullshit, Dan wasn't just going to sit there and take it, like some bitch. Phil was going to talk to him whether he liked it or not.

And so that's why Dan was on his way to Phil's house, at ten o'clock on a Sunday night. To talk.

******************************************************

It was dark. Of course it was dark. All the lights were off in the house, as far as Dan could tell. He vaguely remembered where Phil's room was, and as he crept along the side of the house, he really hoped he was right. He didn't feel like pissing of any parents right now, and it would only make him look like a fool, if Phil found him like that.

He stood under the window. a floor above him, and tried to think of a rational way to approach this. But there was no rational way, he was standing under the guys window, in the middle of the night wearing pajamas. So he decided to be cliche as fuck, and throw small rocks at the glass. He did that for almost fifteen minutes before he saw someone look out at him, and he sighed in relief when it was indeed Phil, and not his parents.

"Are you serious right now?" Phil whisper-yelled down at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Sorry if I woke you up." Dan said. "I needed to talk to you."

"You could have called or something."

"Would you really have answered if I did?"

Phil didn't say anything to that, and Dan was slightly proud that he had managed to make him speechless for once.

"You've been completely avoiding me for the past few days, and I understand why, I do. But it's been long enough, I'm sure, and we really need to talk." Dan said. He saw Phil shake his slightly and sigh. He was too far away to really see, but he seemed so tired.

"I'll let you in through the front." Phil said quietly. "Try and be quiet. It is really late, you know."

"I know, I'm sorry."

Phil smiled a bit, and then he was gone. Not too long after, the front door was opened, and Phil was grabbing Dan's arm and pulling him into the dark living room. They made their way up the stairs, and Phil shut the door when they had made it to his room.

"You're a mad man, you know that?" Phil said quietly. Dan noticed that he was in only a T-shirt and boxers, and his hair was a mess, probably from sleeping. His skin seemed paler than usual, and there were marks under his eyes, not too dark but still noticable. He was kind of mess, and it strangely made Dan feel guilty.

"I know, but these last few days have been so fucking messed up for me. I don't know about you, but I know that we need to talk, about everything. And I had no idea when the next time I was gonna see you was, so I just came here."

"But you could have come, I don't know, at a reasonable hour. Dan, it's the middle of the night." Phil sighed, rubbing his hands across his face. "And I haven't got anything to talk about." He whispered.

"Well I do." Dan said firmly. "Why did you tell me you loved me? And then you just ran off, and left me with that for a week. You have no idea what I have been going through; I'm so confused. It's like, one minute, you're all over me, telling me....all kinds of things. And then you go and pull away when it starts getting serious." Dan an his fingers through his hair. He was getting a bit worked up, as all the frustration and worry rushed through him all at once. "You just showed up one day, dived into my life, and changed it, changed me. And I hated you for it, so much."

"I'm sorry, Dan, I just-"

"No, you shut up and listen to me for once." Dan interrupted. "I get so sick and tired of your bullshit sometimes, Phil. And it's so stupid, because I like that bullshit at the same time. I have no idea what to do with myself, with all these feelings, and I just want to punch something, preferably you. You get me so worked up, all the time, with all your touching, and the kissing, and goddammit, I get this weird twisting feeling in my stomach every time you fucking speak. It irritates me, to no end, that you could do these things to me, without any effort. And I have no idea what it is, what's happening to me."

"I don't-"

"I said shut up." Dan said, and he was so mad right now, and it wasn't because of Phil, he was mad at himself. He was standing closer to him now, glaring at him with every ounce of irritation and anger he could muster. "You probably have no idea how much it tears me up inside. You're so fucking oblivious sometimes. But I don't hate you, not even right now, and I probably never will. Don't you see? It's all contradicting, because I don't know how to feel, and sometimes I just want to kick you so fucing hard, and sometimes, I just.....I just want to kiss you so badly."

Dan stopped talking, and he was breathing fast from all the talking he had done, and him and Phil were so close to each other now, they were almost touching noses. Phil didn't say anything, he just stared at Dan, and Dan had no idea what was going on in his head.

Dan hadn't really meant to say all that, and he hadn't meant to be that harsh to Phil either, but his emotions just took control, and he let it all out.

"Then why don't you?" Phil asked, so softly that Dan barely heard him, even with how close he was standing.

"What?"

"Why don't you kiss me?"

Dan stared at him like he was crazy, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking of it, kissing Phil. And he threw his arms around Phil's neck, pulling him so that they were touching from chest to foot, and crashed their lips together.

He couldn't help but moan as they kissed, because he had actually been dreaming of it for a while now, and it felt so damn good. Phil's lips were so warm and soft against his, just as they'd always been. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's waist, so tightly, and Dan wound his finges into his hair.

There was no passion, or love, in the way their mouths moved against each others. There was only need and lust, it was almost angry. Their tongues were everywhere, and teeth clashed together. But damn if Dan didn't enjoy every bit of it. Phil pushed him back, until he was pressed up against the wall, and they never broke apart. Phil's fingers were digging into Dan's hips, pulling them against his own, and they both groaned at the contact. It was hot and fast, and they were both breathing so hard as they struggled to breathe, but they continued on, just for the sake of feeling each other.

Dan was lost in the feeling, he couldn't think straight at all, and he didn't once pause as Phil pushed his fingers under his shirt, running his hands across Dan's stomach and chest. He let out an embarrissingly high whimper as Phil ran his fingers across his nipples, and Dan shamefully arched into his touch.

Phil pulled away all of a sudden, backing away slightly as he panted for air. His blue eyes were shining, and his lips were swollen. Dan was sure that he was in the same state, and he blushed as he realized exactly what had just happened. They just stared at each other, for the longest time, and they were still close, Phil holding his body against Dan's and pressing him into the wall.

"I've been wanting to do that again for the longest time." Phil breathed, laughing slightly and reaching up to hold both sides of Dan's neck. Dan smiled at him, leaning into his touch.

"You never answered my question, though." Dan said, turning serious suddenly.

"What question?"

"Why did you say you loved me? And then ran off?"

Phil looked away slightly, then shook his head and smiled at Dan again. He leaned down and kissed Dan again, shortly but firmly, before pulling away again.

"I said it because its true. And I ran because....I don't know why I ran, okay? But trust me, I won't do it again."

"Again?" Dan asked, raising an eyebow at him. Phil chuckled.

"Oh I plan on saying it so many times again." He kissed both of Dan's cheeks, his nose, and finally pressed his lips against Dan's lingeringly. "I love you." He whispered.

Dan blushed slightly, turning away to look at the wall, but he was still smiling.

"I know." He said.


	10. Chapter ten

Dan and Phil weren't exactly 'going out', but they were definately more than friends. Dan knew that Phil wanted to publicize their relationship, but he didn't know if he was totally ready for that yet.

They didn't usually hang out in public, at least not the way they wanted to. They waited until they were alone for that. But when they were out, they usually just acted platonic. And Dan knew that it slightly irritated Phil, but he couldn't help it. He was nervous about what people would say, not about the fact that they were gay, but about what they might say about their relationship. It wasn't often that Dan even had a boyfriend or girlfriend, let alone one that lasted for more than a month. He didn't want Phil to think that he was just some toy, that Dan would dump after getting what he wanted, because unlikely enough, Dan badly wanted this to work out, and he didn't ever want to leave Phil.

These kinds of thoughts always plagued him, when he was by himself, especially at night. He as always in doubt that something would go wrong betwen them, no matter how hard he tried to prevent it. It was stressful, to say the least, and Dan was constantly tired from staying up all night worying.

Phil occasionally questioned the dark marks under his eyes, but Dan just brushed him off, saying that it was school and family business. And Phil believed him, as far as Dan could tell.

Being in this kind of relationship was hard. Dan couldn't help but compare him and Phil to Romeo and Juliet, because it felt like they were sneaking around with each other, and no one was allowed to know. Which wasn't the case, really. Dan knew that Phil's mum knew about them. He hadn't told his own parents about it but it wasn't as if he ever had a chance to. They probably didn't even know he dated guys in the first place.

It had been maybe a week since they had started this whole thing. The project they had for English (not to mention the project that had started this whole thing) was fast approaching, and with all the drama that had been going on.....well, Dan and Phil were definately behind the rest of the class. And even now, they could barely keep their hands off each other to get any work done. They had to do their presentation, in front of the whole class, next week.

"How could you possibly not think that what they did for each other was justified?" Phil exclaimed. They were in Dan's room, going over their notes and coming up with thoughts to put into their presentation. "I mean, they loved each other so much, they died for each other. And they went against their families and their beliefs, just to be with each other."

"You honestly don't see how stupid that was?" Dan replied. "I mean, if Romeo had waited literally, half a fucking minute, he would have seen that Juliet wasn't dead. And even then, it wouldn't be as if they could just stroll around, hand in hand. Their families would not like that, at all."

"Well, they obviously didn't care what their parents thought. Or anyone else, for that matter."

"They would have cared once someone found out, and they were either killed, or forced apart."

"I honestly think that coming out, for them, would have been the best idea." Phil said quietly, looking down at his hands as he picked at Dan's blanket. Dan had a feeling they weren't talking about Romeo and Juliet anymore.

"Maybe they were just scared." Dan said, and Phil scoffed.

"Or maybe only one of them was."

It was silent for a moment, both of them not looking at each other. There was all kinds of tension surounding them, and Dan wanted nothing more than for it to just go away.

"I'm sorry." Dan said softly, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

Phil sighed. "It's not your fault, I started-"

But Dan cut him off. "Not for that. I'm sorry that I'm being so difficult. I know you don't like this thing between us being a secret, and I know I'm a stubborn ass for making you go through all this. But I'm just not ready. And I don't care how selfish it makes me, but I'm not letting you go either. Just...I need a bit more time."

"Yeah, but how much time?" Phil asked, and Dan didn't reply.

Dan could clearly see the pain and stress he was putting Phil through, could see it so obviously in those blue eyes. It tore him up, knowing it was his fault, and knowing there was no way to fix it. At least, not any way he could bear. He just knew that, if he did let everyone know that him and Phil were a thing, it would only bring Phil more pain and much more stress. And Dan would rather him go through this, than ever have to face that.

"I just get so worried, you know?" Phil said suddenly, and Dan snapped out of his own thoughts to look at him. "I get worried that....I don't mean as much to you, as you do to me."

"That's not true." Dan said defensively, and Phil only smiled weakly.

"But you can't prove to me otherwise." He said. "Every time I touch you, when we're in public, you just kinda move away. I can barely look at you without you getting all paranoid that somone will find out. And you never...." He trailed off, staring at the wall. "Whenever I tell you I love you....you never say it back. And it kind of hurts. I feel like you don't even care about me sometimes."

"You know I care about you, Phil."

"But I don't!" Phil said loudly. He stared at Dan, with the weirdest look in his eyes. Anger and sadness, all rolled into one. "I don't know that." He said, more quietly. "You know, when I first saw you, the very first day we ever met, you had to be the most interesting looking person in the whole room, probably the whole school. You just looked as if you didn't give a care in the world, about what anyone thought of you or what anyone said about you. And that's what made me want to know you. I wanted to get under that pretty skin of yours, and see what was inside. And believe it or not, under all that candid, tough-guy armor you put up, there's just an innocent boy. Who probably has no idea what he wants in his life. But he constantly puts up walls, blocking everyone and everything out. He claims he doesn't believe in love, and it might because he's scared to." Phil paused, breathing shakily. "Is that it? Are you scared, Dan? Are you scared, that you might actually have feelings for me? Are you just scared to admit it?"

"Fuck you, Phil." Dan whispered, and he felt tears sliding down his face. He hadn't even realized he was crying, but even then, he couldn't stop it. "You don't know anything about me, or my life. So don't think that you do. You have no idea how I feel, so don't try and sympathize with me or pity me. I don't need your pity." His throat had closed up, so he just shook his head, looking down as he wiped at his face.

"I don't pity you, Dan." Phil said. "I just don't understand you."

They didn't say anything to each other for the rest of the time. Dan continued to cry, as silently as possible, and Phil moved so that he could pull Dan into his arms. And they stayed like that.


	11. Chapter eleven

School was probably the hardest part of Dan and Phil's 'relationship'.

They had to be extremely cautious not to touch each other too inappropriately, and they were careful about the things they said to each other around people. They just couldn't risk being caught, or at least, Dan couldn't risk it. He could see that it frustrated Phil, that they had to retain themselves in public like that, but he just wasn't ready for anyone to know yet. He didn't want to put their relationship at risk by doing so.

But it seemed like it wouldn't last too long anyway. They were constantly arguing with each other about the situation, and even though they always made after a while, it as still tense.

Dan didn't even know what he was doing anymore. He knew that he had feelings, serious feelings, for Phil, but at the same time, he didn't think what they were doing was good. And yeah, the blame was mostly on him for always messing things up, but Phil always being on his ass about it wasn't doing any good either. That's how most of their arguments got started.

Their constant annoyance with each other was also keeping them from working on their project; they were always too irritated to actually get any work done. And the presentation was today.

"What the hell are we supposed to say?" Phil said, sighing in frustration. They were both walking down the hall, towards their English class, debating on what they were supposed to do.

"I don't know. Say what you want, you seem to be the expert on this stupid play." Dan said, glaring ahead of him.

"This isn't just my project, Dan, and you having an attitude isn't doing anything to help us right now."

"I don't have an attitiude." Dan snapped. Phil suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop in the middle of the hallway. 

"Look, I know you're pissed off or something, whether it's at me or at us. But you seriously need to stop acting like a little kid. You can throw your tantrum later, okay? Because right now, we need to focus on getting a good grade on this stupid project. So for the love of all things holy, stop being a baby, keep your personal issues to yourself, and help me."

Dan looked at the floor, and was ashamed to feel that tears were welling up in his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but all that did was make them start to all slowly down his cheeks. "I'm sorry." He whispered, and he heard Phil sigh softly.

"I would hug you right now...but I don't know if you would like that."

"I don't really care right now." Dan said, before throwing himself at Phil, wrapping his arms around his waist. He felt Phil do the same, and he buried his head into Phil's neck.

And nothing happened. The hallway was pretty crowded with other students, but they didn't seem to pay the two boys any mind. Dan couldn't exactly see them, but he didn't hear them either. And God, did it feel so good, just to be able to touch Phil after being deprived of it. Not having to hold himself back, and being so needy for it. He was addicted to it, to any kind of contact their skin made, and every time they hugged, kissed, touched, he only wanted more. Especially right now.

He didn't know why, but just touching Phil like this was making him....painfully aware of the things they could do. And he was embarrassed to find that he was aroused by that.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Phil whispered in his ear, and Dan shivered at the feel of his warm breath across his skin. He could feel everything, Phil's breathing against his ear and neck, his arms around his back, their hips just barely touching. His body so desperately wanted more, more skin, more touching, more movement. His breathing was picking up, and he wouldn't be surprised if Phil could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest. "Are you okay, Dan? You're really warm." Phil asked, and he pulled back slightly to look at Dan's face.

"I-I'm fine." Dan said, his voice a bit husky. He was burning up, but not because he wasn't feeling well, oh no, it was for a different reason entirely. "We should, uh, get to class." He said. Phil still looked a bit woried, but he nodded anyway, and they continued on to their class, Phil looking a lot more happier tha earlier, and Dan being so nervous about how close they were.

*******************************************************************************************

The first half of the class period was spent going over anything needed to be gone over before presentations. Dan and Phil sat in the back of the class, trying to come up with something, anything, they could use so as not to fail completely.

"I mean, I really just think we should go with the cliche answer." Phil said, leaning his elbows against Dan's desk. "That Romeo and Juliet obviously loved each other very much, died for each other, blah blah blah..."

Dan just scowled at him. "You know pretty much everyone in this class is going to go with that. It's generic, and unoriginal. And I don't think it's true either."

"Well then what do you suggest?" Phil smirked.

Dan cleared his throat mockingly. "I think we should go with the idea that Romeo and Juliet were huge bigots, who were so selfish in their own needs, they felt that offing themselves was the best way to go about things. Which is completely stupid."

"And you think that's going to get us a good grade?"

"It'll make us seem opinionated. And much more interesting."

They didn't have any more time to plan, or rather argue, because then the teacher called them all to attention.

"All right, everyone, settle down now. I can assume that everyone is ready to start?" He asked, but the room was silent. "Good. We won't have time to do everyone today, so whoever doesn't go will have a chance tomorrow. Clear?" The class mumbled in response. "Okay. First up is Mr. Waters and Mrs. Lancaster."

One by one, each group went up to the front to present their own opinions. As Dan had said before, pretty much everyone went on about how R&J were so in love, and that they felt the only way they ould truly be together was to die for each other. It was sickening, honestly.

The class period was just about over, maybe five minutes left, and Dan was hoping that they would have to present tomorrow, so they coulf have some more time to prepare. But why should he get lucky?

"Mr. Howell and Mr. Lester? You're up." They were so going to fail this.

Dan sighed, as they both relunctantly stood from their seats and made their way slowly to the front.

"You can start first." Phil whispered as they walked, and Dan glared at him.

"What? Why me?"

"You're the one who's so 'opinionated'."

Dan only shook his head, and they had finally made it to the front. The whole class was staring at them expectantly, and Dan swallowed anxiously. He wasn't one to be nervous, usually, but he couldn't stop his stomach from rolling and his hands from shaking. He took a deep breath, and started to speak.

"Um....," Great start, Dan, "We, uh, we both feel as if the way Romeo and Juliet went about things was very....uncalled for. And kind of dumb."

"Correction." Phil interrupted, and Dan glanced at him. "Only one of us feels that way. I myself think that they were completely justified in the things that they did. Even if it was a bit extreme." He smiled after saying that. 

What the hell was he doing? Now was really not the time to be having an argument about this, they were supposed to be agreeing on this. There was something seriously wrong with him.

"But why?" Dan couldn't help but retort. "They'd barely known each other a week before deciding they wanted to run away and get married. And when they couldn't, instead of just dealing with it, they decided that killing themselves was the best thing to do? That counts as stupid in my book."

"But that's the point." Phil said, smirking at Dan widely. "I think that them committing suicide was the biggest sign that they truly loved each other. I mean, how many people would you die for."

"Zero!" Dan exclaimed. "I don't think anyone in their right mind would kill themselves just because they liked someone."

"But if they loved someone-"

They didn't love each other!" Dan interrupted. He was well aware that they were full out arguing, in the middle of class, but he didn't really care right then. He wanted to prove his point. "They can't have possibly 'loved' each other, they barely knew each other. And another thing, is they were practically forbidden from even looking at each other, and the fact that they were risking death just to....make out or whatever, was just plain idiotic."

"The fact that they were near enemies, and they decided to overcome that and want to be together, and just another reason proving they were in love." Phil said, and he was still smiling that stupid smile of his. They weren't even looking at the class anymore, they were practically face to face now.

"They weren't 'overcoming' anything, they were just being rebellious. Going against what your family says, especially if it keeps you safe, is just lack of common sense."

"So you're saying they should have just listened to everything their parents told them?" Dan nodded. "Would you do that? Let's say you were, I don't know, homosexual. And your parents didn't like at all. Would you be a good little boy and stay away from all men, or something? Because they thought it was safe?"

Dan was glaring at him, mad that he had decided to bring their personal issues into this. "Being homosexual has nothing to do with what Romeo and Juliet did."

"It's the same situation, and you know it."

Dan scowled and didn't say anything. He didn't really have an argument against that, because it was the truth. But he was too angry, and too prideful, to admit it.

"Well, that was....interesting." The teacher said, and Dan and Phil turned to look at him in surprise. Seems they had both forgotten they weren't alone. "I like the way you guys did this, how you were both on different sides of the argument. But I'm going to have to cut it short, because we're out of time. The rest of the presentations will take place tomorrow. Have a good rest of the day." He said, as the bell rang and everyone stood up and started to leave.

Dan quickly grabbed his things, and was just out the door when Phil grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"I didn't mean it like that." He said, but Dan just shook his head and pulled away. There was no way he was just going to let Phil do that, talk about them like they were in some messed up star-crossed-lovers relationship, and just forgive him. He had thought that maybe they were past it, but apparently not.

But even angry as he was, Dan knew that at some point they were going to make up. Because it was what they always did.


	12. Chapter twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg blowjobs

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry? I truly, honestly didn't mean to offend you with what I said."

"You didn't offend me."

"Well then why are you so mad?"

"Because you only said it to try and offend me."

"But if I didn't, why can't you just let it go?"

"Because it was a dick move, and you're an asshole."

"I can't even try with you..."

"Well then stop trying."

Phil sighed loudly, and ran his fingers roughly through his hair. He'd been trying for an hour now to get Dan to forgive him, but Dan kept denying him and pushing him away. It was a struggle, with Phil being so persistent, but he managed.

It was two days after the whole presentation drama, and yes, Dan had been ignoring Phil the whole time. Well, not exactly ignoring, but he still hadn't forgiven him. Dan was always too easy on Phil, he thought, and this was probably a good thing for him too, letting him know he wasn't all powerful. At the moment, they were both in Dan's room. Phil had just shown up earlier, and since his mum was at home for the moment, he couldn't just turn him away. Dan was sitting on his bed, trying to read a book he'd read a thousand times, and Phil was constantly distracting him, sprawled out across the covers and putting his head on Dan's legs. Dan had tried countless times to move him, but he'd given up after about the seventeenth time.

After a moment of tense silence, Phil sat up and moved so he was right next to Dan, looking over his shoulder. "Whatcha reading?" He asked.

"A book." Dan replied monotonously.

"What's it about?" Phil asked, laying his head on Dan's shoulder now. Dan shrugged him off.

"People."

Phil was quiet again, and Dan was grateful that he had stopped. For now at least. But he froze when he felt Phil breathing against his neck gently. He nearly jumped when Phil pressed his lips against the sensitive skin, placing a soft, lingering kiss there. He tried not to react, to make it see as if he wasn't bothered by the touches, but they could both tell what it was doing to him.

"I just want you to forgive me." Phil whispered, his mouth still brushing against Dan's throat. Dan couldn't help but shiver at the contact, and he could feel the goosebumps racing all over his skin.

"Turning me on isn't going to make me forgive you." Dan said, and he felt Phil smile.

"I'm turning you on?"

"Oh please, you know exactly what you're doing." Dan's voice was getting husky, and he tried not to let his words crack.

"Is it working?" Phil asked, but Dan didn't answer, because Phil continued kissing up and down his neck and along his jawline, and at first it was just gentle, sweet kisses, but soon enough Phil was attacking the skin with his mouth, dragging his teeth softly against it. Dan leaned his head back, against his headboard, and when Phil flicked his tongue against his soft spot, right under his ear, he couldn't help but let out a moan of pleasure.

It had only been maybe a few days since the last time they had done...anything like this, but Dan had missed it, being able to become lost in the things that Phil did to him. And he was too weak to stop him now, no matter how mad he was at him. And so when Phil gently pressed his lips against Dan's, Dan couldn't resist kissing him back fiercly, tangling his fingers into Phil's black hair. Phil made a low noise in the back of his throat, that did nothing but make Dan want him even more. He moved, so that now he was straddling Phil, and they were touching all over, Phil running his hands firmly across Dan's chest under his shirt. They hadn't done this in too long, hadn't just lost control and got caught up in the feel of each other. It was.....electrifying. Mind blowing. And just downright fucking amazing. There were tongues everywhere, slididng against one another and exploring mouths. Hands were going crazy, trying to touch everything at once, and their hips were pressed against each other just right, causing the most beautiful friction. They were trying their hardest to keep quiet because Dan's mum was just downstairs, but the occasional groan or whimper escaped.

There was a knock at the door, and they both nearly fell off the bed trying to pull apart as fast as possible.

"Daniel?" He heard his mum say from the other side of the door. He tried to calm his breathing down, so he could sound normal.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to know if you and Phil would be okay with being alone for the next hour or so. I have some errands to run."

Phil smirked at him, and Dan rolled his eyes. Horny bastard.

"That's fine, mum. We'll be fine."

"Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can."

It was silent after that, and a few minutes later, they heard the front door open and close, and they were alone. As soon as that was confirmed, Phil smiled, pushing Dan until he was laying on his back.

"Shall we continue?" He said.

"I'm still mad at you." Dan said, but he didn't push him away.

"Well, why don't you channel all that anger out on me then?"

And they were kissing again, picking up right where they had left off. They were as close as they could possibly be, not a single centimeter between them. Phil was settled in between Dan's legs, and the way he was moving his hips had Dan making all kinds of loud noises.

The farthest the two of them had ever gone with each other was making out, and small touches in various places, never below the belt though. But Dan knew that, right now, he wanted more than that. Not sex, just....more. He pushed the other boy away from him slightly, smiling when he saw the confused look that Phil was giving him.

"I just..." Dan said, and he felt nerves fluttering in his stomach. "I want to try something different."

"Oh." Phil said, smiling a bit. "Okay, um...what exactly did you want to try?"

Dan pushed him away, so that he was on his back, and climbed on top of him. Phil looked at him with surprise, but he didn't say anything against it.

"Just...I'll show you." Dan said, and kissed Phil gently. Slowly, and a bit nervously, Dan moved his hands down until they were at the bottom of Phil's shirt. He started lifting it up, and Phil sat up slightly, so he could pull it over his head. Once it was off, Dan started kissing along Phil's neck, a bit hesitantly. He wasn't really used to taking control, but he was enjoying it, especially the way Phil was moaning lightly at the way he was working his mouth. After a minute of just softly kisses against his neck, Dan started moving down, to his chest. He didn't know exactly what to do, but he was sure he'd heard enough fangirls squealing about guys to have some idea. And so, with anxiousness flooding through him, Dan moved slightly and closed his mouth around Phil's hardened nipple.

"Holy Jesus Christ." Phil gasped. It must have been the right move, because as Dan continued licking and nipping at this part of Phil, he was continuously groaning and breathing heavily. Every now and then, he'd let out a string of words that didn't make sense, and he nearly screamed when Dan scraped his teeth against him.

When Dan eventually pulled away, Phil let out a loud whimper of need, and Dan laughed at his vulnerability. Phil was never like this, and Dan was happy that it was him that had made it happen.

Dan continued his journey down, until he was right above the top of Phil's jeans. He was just about to undo them, when Phil grabbed his arm. Dan looked up at him, into his blue eyes that shined with lust and longing.

"You're gonna...are you sure you want to?" Phil asked, and even though he so badly wanted it to happen, he didn't want Dan to feel like he had to.

"I want to." Dan said reassuringly. Phil still looked slightly worried, and Dan pressed his lips against Phil's hip softly, as if to tell him it was okay. And Phil finally let him go, leaning back on his elbows to watch as Dan undid his jeans. He leaned his head back and moaned when Dan pulled his boxers down his legs, until his erection sprung free.

Now Dan had no idea what to do. He wasn't exactly experienced in the blowjob area, he'd never even received one. He didn't know how to start. Did he just...put it in his mouth? But then what? How was he supposed to do this? But he couldn't just stare at it. And so without another moment of hesitation, Dan took as much as he could into his mouth. He could feel Phil shudder underneath him, and fingers were tangling tightly into his hair. He ignored it though, and continued moving up and down, trying to get as much of Phil as possible down his throat.

"Fucking hell, Dan." Phil groaned trying to keep from moving his hips and forcing himself even deeper. He knew that Dan was probably not very experienced at this, but damn it still felt good. He hissed, as he felt Dan's teeth slightly graze against him, but it didn't hurt. It felt amazing, actually.

Dan pulled away, trying to get some air into his lungs, but he continued to use his tongue sliding it along Phil's length. He could hear Phil moaning and cursing, but he was caught up in his own high to really pay attention to his boyfriend. Dan started to pull off Phil's jeans and boxers completely, and Phil helped him, so that he was totally naked now. Dan pulled off his own shirt, and then leaned back down, kissing Phil's inner thigh softly, and making him pant.

"You hav no idea how absolutely fucking beautiful you look right now." Dan said heavily. And it was true. The way he was sprawled across the bed, his chest heaving and sweat covering his body. His eyes were so bright, and the way they were half closed and filled with passion had Dan all worked up.

"Shut up, and keep doing what you're doing." Phil said, and Dan laughed at him before going back down and continuing to work Phil with his lips. He kept going faster, and Phil was getting louder, and the room was getting hotter. "Dan, if you don't move, you're gonna have to swallow." Phil said, through his teeth. Dan pulled away, and Phil took over with his hand, pumping himself as he continued yelling out. Dan watched him, transfixed by his movements, and he gasped as Phil let go, coming all over his own stomach.

They were both worn out, breathing hard, and covered on sweat and other things. Dan collapsed beside Phil, who looked as if he was ready to pass out. He wrapped his arm around Dan, pulling them closer together, and Dan didn't even mind that he was all sticky. He just liked that they had had this moment with each other.

"I love you so much, Daniel." Phil breathed.

Dan only nodded.


	13. Chapter thirteen

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"One hundred percent sure, Phil." Dan said, rolling his eyes.

They were standing in the boys bathroom at school, early in the morning, and Dan had decided That today was the day he was going to let everyone know about him and Phil. But Phil was worried now, about what, Dan didn't know. Maybe he thought people would judge them too harshly, but Dan didn't really care about anyone who disapproved of them.

"I mean, you can still wait. Just because we...did what we did last night, doesn't mean you have to any further." Phil said. Dan blushed slightly when he heard Phil mention the things they had done last night, but sighed and shook his head.

"I'm not doing it because I feel like I have to, I really want to."

Phil reluctantly agreed, even though he still looked doubtful. Dan thought it was cute how the boy was always worried about him.

Just then, the bell rang loudly, announcing the start of lessons. Dan and Phil looked at each other, before twining their hands together and walking out into the crowded hallway.

****************************************************************

Everything finally seemed to be going right in Dan's life. Or at least enough to be happy.

Him and Phil were okay. They weren't too harshly judged by any of the other students, and if someone did happen to call them out, there was always someone, if not Phil himself, who stood up for them. There was less stress, which meant a lot less arguing and much more time for just them. And they spent that time wisely. And to top it all off, they had gotten a pretty good grade on their English project, one of the highest in the class.

The only thing that got in the middle of their relationship, and it was a small thing, was the issue about Phil saying 'I love you', and Dan never replying.

Dan was ever persistent in his disbelief in love. Even after all the things he had been put through, the arguing, the making up, and his strong feelings, he was still doubtful about being in love with Phil. It was like some permanent crutch in his mind, that held him back from being convinced that he was, and he had honestly tried to make himself feel it, but to no avail. And he could see that it was bothering Phil, no matter what kind of front he always put up about it.

But they never dwelled too long on the subject, cause doing so would only bring about more tension and fighting between them.

It was maybe two or three weeks after they had gone official, which was, in all of Dan's few relationships, around the time he gave up. But with Phil, he had no such urges, and he knew that they would last quite a while. At least he hoped. Because it wasn't technically him that had to end their relationship. If need be, Phil could be the one who gave up on him. But Dan didn't think he would really do something like that, he was one of those sappy kind of boyfriends, who would probably do anything to make them last. 

One thing that sort of worried Dan sometimes was the fact that his parents didn't know about Phil yet, and probably didn't even know about how he swung for both teams. He was almost sure they wouldn't give a damn, since they weren't there too often to even cause him any trouble, but he'd never really heard their views on the homosexual community, so there was really no way to tell.

But besides all those trivial things, Dan couldn't be anymore satisfied.

And so it should have been no surprise that, of course, everything would fall to Hell.


	14. Chapter 14

  It all started with another new kid

  He caused much more of an uproar, firstly because he was second the new kid they'd had in the last month, which was kind of a record. And secondly, he was undeniably attractive. Dan saw that as soon as he walked into his English class.

  His hair was blond, but it was really dark as if he had dyed over it quite a few times, and it was a bit long, hanging over his forehead and curling at his ears. He had green eyes, like really green, and the way they shined made it seem as if he got into all kinds of trouble. He didn't look extremely fit, but he didn't look bad either. His skinny arms and wiry build just made his appearance that much more interesting. And his name...

  "Everyone, this is Jace." Their teacher announced, and Jace smiled at everyone. All the girls were whispering madly to one another, most likely about this new kid, and not paying attention at all as the teacher continued going on about him. Dan wasn't paying attention either, but not because he was fangirling. It was because Jace was staring at him, with the most wicked, yet entrancing smile on his face. It wasn't like Dan to be too affected by other people, but as he stared right back into Jace's glittering eyes, he had the strangest twisting in his stomach. He didn't know if it was wariness, or just something else, but he knew that he wouldn't want to be caught alone with this kid.

  The teacher eventually told Jace to take a seat, thankfully not too close to Dan, and the rest of the lesson was uneventful. No more staring contests with the new kid, and no more weird feelings curling up in Dan's stomach.

  "Are you alright?" Phil suddenly asked, ans Dan glanced over at him. He had almost forgotten he was even there.

  "Yeah, fine." He said, smiling at Phil and turning his attention back to the front.

  He really hoped that he didn't any other classes with Jace. And he didn't for the next two periods, but it turned out they had the same lunch.

  Since him and Phil didn't have the same lunch period, Dan usually sat outside so he wasn't surrounded by the rowdiness of the cafeteria. And because apparently, he was the most unlucky person to ever have existed, Jace showed up. Either that, or the guy was a stalker, Dan wouldn't put it past him.

  "Hey there." Jace said, as he plopped down on the grass next to Dan. He was sitting rather close, but Dan didn't say anything about it. "You're in my English class, right?" He asked.

  Dan was staring at the ground intensely, but he nodded at Jace's question. He didn't want to look him in the face, because he was sure that he would get that weird feeling again, that mixture of uneasiness and something he couldn't name. It was just something about his near perfect appearance that unsettled him.

  "I'm Jace Winslow." Jace continued, holding out his hand. Dan made the mistake of looking up, and he was caught in the stare that Jace was giving him. He kinda froze, because Damn, his eyes just look so unnatural, he thought, and he couldn't look away. Jace was smiling, but it wasn't the creepy smile he'd worn earlier. This one was much more friendlier, and it reached up to his eyes. Dan realized he was staring, and he looked away, flushing slightly at his own rudeness.

  "I,uh...I'm Dan. Dan Howell." He stumbled over his words a bit, and mentally cursed himself for seeming so nervous. He reached over and shook the hand that Jace was still holding out, trying not to think about how soft and warm his skin was.

  "Nice to meet you, Dan." Jace said, but Dan only nodded.

  And then it was silent between them. Dan didn;t have anything to say that would break the awkward quiet, and apparently Jace Winslow didn't either. From the corner of his eye, Dan could see him constantly glancing over at him, and it was unnerving being under his scrutiny like that.

  It was definitely the most uncomfortable lunch Dan had ever had to sit through, and he nearly broke out into song when the bell rang. He grabbed his things, and was just leaving when Jace grabbed his arm to stop him. Once again, Dan looked up at him and he was frozen again by the look Jace was giving him.

  "I just...I wanted to know if maybe you could help me out. I'm new here and everything, so I don't really know my way around. Could you show me around? Or something?" Jace rambled. Dan was surprised to see that he was actually a bit nervous. He didn't really seem like the type of guy to get nervous, about anything.

  He wasn't really to focused on the situation, because Jace was still holding onto his arm, and he found himself nodding once again. "I guess." He said. "I don't have anything better to do." Why had he agreed? It was those stupid eyes, making him all dazed with the way they seemed almost golden in the sunlight.

  Jace smiled widely at his answer, and Dan felt that twist in his stomach, but not really unpleasant this time. "Great." Jace said. He seemed to realize then that he was still gripping Dan's arm, because he let it go rather quickly. "So, um. Tomorrow then?" He asked, and Dan nodded. He smiled again, and then he left.

  Dan sighed in relief that he was finally gone, and he too made his way back to the school and to his next class. He didn't know why the guy made him so tense and nervous, but he did know that he didn't want to find out.

  He didn't see Jace at all for the rest of the day, and he was glad. The guy was just weird, and Dan didn't know how he would put up with him if they did share anymore classes.

  But what's worse was that, even though he wasn't there, Dan couldn't stop himself from thinking of him. Just in a curious way. He wondered why the boy was so interested in him, and why he made Dan so unsettled. He pictured those eyes of his, the way they always seemed to glow with some hidden emotion, and they way they darkened slightly whenever he was looking at Dan. They were definitely the most attractive part of Jace, but they were also the most crazy. Dan had honestly never seen eyes like those, and he was sure he never would.

  Why was even thinking so much about eyes? Especially Jace's eyes. That was something he should definately not be doing.

  At the end of the day, Dan was waiting by his locker for Phil, when again, Jace approached him. He saw him coming down the hall, but he tried, and failed, to seem as if he didn't see him so that maybe he'd just leave him alone.

  "Dan." Jace said, once he was beside him. "Hey, I just wanted to say, thanks again for helping me out. It means a lot."

  Dan was trying his hardest not to look him in the face, so he wouldn't freeze again. "Yeah, no problem." He said, smiling slightly. Jace smiled back, and then he waved slightly and was gone. Dan leaned his head back against the lockers behind him, sighing.

  "Who was that?" Dan jumped about a mile when Phil's voice sounded beside him not a second later. He hadn't heard him coming.

  "Uh...that was Jace. The new kid, in our English class?" Dan explained. Phil was staring at Jace's retreating back, his eyes narrowed slightly, and then he was looking at Dan again.

  "What did he want?"

  "I told him I'd help him out, show him around and stuff since he's new here and all."

  Phil nodded, and Dan silently breathed in relief that he didn't question him further. He didn't know why, but talking about Jace with Phil didn't seem right. Phil grabbed his hand, and they left together, with Phil telling him about something that had happened to him in one of his other classes, but Dan wasn't really paying attention.

  What exactly was he getting himself into with Jace? He wanted to be sure that Jace wasn't up to anything, but there just something in Dan's mind that made him doubt that. Jace just seemed so....mischievous, was the best word for  it. He seemed like he was always up to something, and not anything good. Dan couldn't help but be worried what he wanted with him.


	15. Chapter 15

  Dan was never the type of person who went out of his way to make friends. He never really had a reason to, and the only reason he ever really talked to people was if they approached him first. As it was, his only real friend so far had been Phil.

  But with Jace, he curiously found himself reaching out.

  Admittedly, Jace was the type of guy who was friends with everyone. He was naturally charming, with his constant smile and wide, shining eyes, he was just approachable. And that, with Dan's own amiability, was how they became such close friends over the next few days.

  It was funny, because Dan had at first questioned why Jace wanted anything to do with him. He had thought he was suspicious of some sort of mischief. But now they were basically inseparable. They actually had some things in common, ranging from favorite kinds of music and books, to just general likes and dislikes. They could spend countless minutes, sometimes hours, talking and laughing about anything and everything.

  Dan wondered why he had ever found the boy suspicious of anything but being nice. He felt kind of guilty for thinking he was up to something no good, because he was completely wrong.

  But even with the excitement of making this new friend, Dan couldn't help but notice that him and Phil were growing slightly distant from each other. It was only small things, like awkward silences that were never usually there, or unanswered texts and calls, but it was still there. And Dan wasn't surprised that Phil eventually called him out on it. Not long after, the arguing was back, and Dan was actually surprised that they were usually centered around Jace.

  According to Phil, Dan was spending just a bit too much time with Jace, and that he was getting in the way of...them. The first time he had brought it up, Dan scoffed at him, because it was just completely ridiculous. Him and Jace were close, yeah, but that didn't mean he was gonna start ditching his boyfriend just to hang out with him.

 After a few more times, Dan had come to conclusion that Phil was only jealous. It was a bit selfish, thinking so, but it was really the only thing that made sense.

  It was most likely the simple fact that...Jace was attractive. It was an undeniable observation, and it was probably that fact that made Phil worry. But he should know that Dan would never be so much of a hussy as to just leave him for the the next, brand new pretty boy that came along. He wasn't like that.

  Strangely, whenever he and Phil got into one of these skirmishes, Dan always found that hanging out with Jace was sort of a way to make all the anger go away. He, of course, never told Jace that he was the center of some very heated discussions between him and Phil, but it didn't really matter.

  At the moment, him and Jace were sitting at their usual spot under one of the large trees outside. It was their lunch period, and Dan was also still getting over another yelling match with Phil. And if that wasn't enough, Jace started asking about him.

  "So that guy you always hang out with, with the blue eyes? Are you guys, like....a thing?" Jace asked, and even though Dan was still irritated slightly, he couldn't help but smile at the curious look Jace was giving him.

  "You could say that." He replied. "But I don't really know at the moment."

  "Oh. Trouble in paradise or something?"

  "Pretty much, yeah." Dan said, laughing slightly. It was quiet between them again, but it wasn't weird, or awkward. Dan drifted off into his own thoughts, about how he could possibly try and make up with Phil, and he jumped slightly when Jace spoke again.

  "I really don't mean to pry or anything, but can I ask what's wrong? Between you two, I mean." When Dan didn't say anything right away, Jace looked away shyly and smiled. "You don't.... you don't have to answer, if you don't want to. I'm always too curious for my own good."

  "No, it's alright." Dan reassured him. "I'm just, trying to think of a way to say it."

  Jace brightened again at that, and he looked like such a little kid that Dan couldn't help but laugh at him. He thought about exactly what to say, because it wasn't as if he could tell Jace that he was the problem between him and Phil.

  "He's a bit... over protective, I guess you could say." Dan started. "He doesn't really like when I spend too much time with other people, cause he feels as if I don't have enough time for him. I don't really agree with him, though, and it always causes all kinds of unnecessary fighting." He stared down at his hands, as he twisted his fingers together, and sighed. "I kinda wish he would trust me, just a little bit. It's not as if I'm just gonna run off with every guy or girl I see. He's weird like that, but I still.... really like him." He smiled, as thoughts of Phil, with his pretty blue eyes and breath taking kisses, ran through his mind. And just like that, he couldn't even remember why they were fighting. Because of Jace? Jace didn't stand a chance, not against what he already had.

  "You guys seem very in love." Jace said, and Dan squirmed slightly at the use of the 'L' word. Jace noticed. "What's up?" He asked, his brow furrowing at Dan's reaction.

  "It's... it's very complicated. Don't worry about it." Dan said offhandedly. He didn't really feel like explaining the whole issue right now, but it seemed as if Jace wouldn't give up until he knew.

  "Aw, c'mon, don't leave me out. We're friends, we're supposed to tell each other everything. Now tell me, I promise I won't judge or anything."

  Dan grinned as Jace started pouting, shaking Dan insistently and begging 'please please please'. "Alright, I'll tell you!" Dan said, shoving him away playfully. "Now calm down."

  Jace moved, so that now he was sitting right in front of Dan with their knees touching, and he leaned back onto his hands, waiting for Dan to go on.

  "Okay, well. See, I have this thing about me, and I don't really know how to explain too well, but... basically, I don't really believe in love. The idea of it or anything." Dan explained. He was tearing up the grass below him, so his hands had something to do and so he didn't have to look at Jace.

  "You're not serious."

  Dan said nothing.

  "You are serious." Jace said, sounding a bit awed. "Christ, how do you even go about that? Love is supposed to be all the rage these days, especially in the hearts of us easily influenced teenagers."

  "You said you weren't going to judge me." Dan smirked.

  "I'm not, I swear. But all the times I've ever seen you with your boyfriend, and the way you talk about him? Just seems kind of ironic."

  Dan nodded in agreement. Him and Phil probably came off as one of the most 'in love' couples, and with the way Dan was, it did seem very paradoxical. 

  "What about you?" Dan asked, laying back on the grass and folding his hands behind his head. "Have you ever been in love?"

  Jace laughed, and Dan couldn't help but notice that it sounded just the tiniest bit strained. "I thought I was, a few times. It was never really reciprocated though."

  "Girl trouble?" Dan asked.

  "Boys." Jace muttered. Oh, Dan thought. "I don't really have the best taste in guys, I guess. They were all pretty much grade A assholes." 

  Dan didn't respond. He thought that Jace didn't really want to elaborate, and so he left alone in his own thoughts. He continued to stare up at the sky, and thought about how Phil's eyes were so much more blue. Jace was quiet as well, which was something that Dan never expected from him. He was always talking, laughing, something; what in the world could make him so silent?

  The bell rang then, and they both gathered there things and headed back to the school.

  "Dan?" Jace said, barely above a whisper, when they had reached the front doors.

  "Yeah?"

  "I just...I wanted to say thanks. For listening to me and all that. Most people don't really care. And thanks for not prying, even though I'm always nosing in on your business." He looked so different than usual, with his head down, and he looked smaller, as if he was curling into himself. Dan smiled at him.

  "Don't worry about it. We're friends, it's what they do."

  Jace smiled brightly at him, and then he left, off to his next class. And Dan smiled after him, glad that they had become such good friends after all.


	16. Chapter 16

  "Phil?" Dan asked, looking over at him a bit nervously. They were both sitting on his bed, and they hadn't said a word to each other for the last hour or so. 

  "Yeah?" Phil said, still looking down at the papers in his hands. Dan sighed; he was going to be difficult.

  "Are you going to stay mad at me forever?"

  "I'm not mad at you."

  "Well you sure have a funny way of showing it."

  "Dan...." Phil said tightly, running his finger through his hair.

  "Can you even tell me why you're so mad right now?" Dan challenged.

  "I told you I'm not mad."

  "Well then, what are you? Because I'm trying to make you forgive me, and you can barely look at me without-"

  "I'm just tired!" Phil suddenly yelled, and Dan stared at him, eyes wide. It wasn't everyday that Phil got worked up enough to actually yell at someone, especially not Dan.

   "Tired?" Dan said.

  "Yeah." Phil sighed, rubbing his face harshly.  "I just hate having to go through this. All the arguing and the stress." He said.

  "Well, we wouldn't have to argue so much if you weren't so over protective." Dan said.

  "What do you mean 'over protective'?"

  "It's just...ever since me and Jace started hanging out, you've been a lot more possessive about me."

  "So, what, you think I'm jealous  of you guys?"

  "Your words, not mine."

  Phil laughed, but there wasn't any emotion behind it. "Oh, that's just rich." He said. "That's the best you could come up with, is that I'm jealous of you two? Well, trust me, that's the last thing I'm feeling right now."

  "Well then how come you're always asking about him? Like he's just gonna steal me away from you or something?" Dan asked, glaring at him. "You've never done it before, with anyone else. Why now?"

  "In case you haven't noticed, Dan, there aren't too many other people I can do it to. You're not exactly the most popular person."

  Dan didn't say anything. and he heard Phil sigh loudly. "I didn't mean it like that."

  "There's no other possible way you could have meant it, Phil." Dan said angrily. He was practically shaking, from the anger building up inside him, and from the efforts of trying not to let any tears fall from Phil's words.

  "I just hate it." Phil said. "I hate that he's taking you away from me. It was always just you and me, and now I have to make room for one more, and I don't like it. I'm not jealous, I just miss you."

  "Okay, but all of this, arguing with me constantly and instigating things, isn't doing anything to help that."

  "What am I supposed to do then?" Phil asked, throwing his hands up in frustration. "I'm sure as hell not just gonna stand by and watch him pull you away."

  "He's not pulling me away from anywhere."

  "Dan, we barely even talk to each other these days. This is probably the longest we've been together, alone, in the last two weeks."

  "That doesn't mean I'm just gonna leave you."

  "Not yet."

  Dan shook his head. "I can't believe you think I would do something like that."

  "I'm just saying-"

  "You know what?" Dan interrupted him. "I really think you should just leave."

  "You can't just push me away when things get difficult, Dan." Phil said. "That's not doing anything but making this worse."

  "I'm not running away. I just don't feel like doing this right now."

  Phil stared at him, then nodded his head and stood up from where he was sitting on the bed. He leaned over and kissed Dan's cheek, letting his lips linger for longer than normal. "I love you, okay?" He whispered. Dan only nodded, not even looking up from his lap as Phil left and shut the door after him.

  Only when he heard the front door shut, letting him know that Phil was totally gone, did Dan start crying. And it wasn't the silent, controlled crying he had become an expert at, this was outright bawling. Sobs shook his shoulders relentlessly, and he had to cover his mouth to keep from letting any sounds escape.

  Never in his life had Dan ever been this emotional, and definitely not because of one person. All this crying, the anger and even the happiness, was all new to him. There was no doubt that Phil was the reason behind it all, and it was horrible that he could bring this all about, but it was also amazing that he could do it. He had made Dan feel, all these things he had never thought he would possibly feel, and it was different and exciting.

  Phil had this sort of control over him. And he would undoubtedly be the death of Dan.

                                                     **********************************************

  "So you guys are broken up?" Jace asked the next day, as him and Dan headed outside for lunch. Dan had just finished telling him the events of yesterday between him and Phil.

  "Honestly?" He said, sighing. "I don't even know. It's like hot and cold with him, I don't know what he wants."

  "Well, it shouldn't be just about what he wants." Jace said, smiling at him slightly. "You have a choice, too. Do you wanna be with him?"

  Dan paused, actually considering that question. Did he want to be with Phil? Phil was different. He had come in and changed everything about Dan and his life. But was that enough? 

  "I do." Dan answered truthfully. "I do want to be with him, I just wish it wasn't so hard. I wish he wasn't so hard to be with." 

  "If you really lo...like him," Jace said, "then I'm sure you guys will work it out."

  "I hope so." Dan said quietly.

  They had reached their usual spot, under one of the large trees in front of the school, and sat down under it. It was just the two of the out here, like always, and it was quiet.

  "Can I ask you something?" Dan said, looking over at Jace.

  "If you must." Jace replied, smiling.

  "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, okay? But happened with your other... relationships?"

  Jace didn't say anything for a long time, and Dan thought it was too personal a question, but then Jace did answer.

  "I've only had a few boyfriends, maybe three or four." He said  "The last one, he was the worst. We broke up maybe a month ago."

  "What happened?" Dan couldn't help but ask.

  Jace started picking at his shirt, pulling off invisible lint, and continued. "His name was Logan, but I was probably the only one who called him that. To everyone else, he was Jackson; that's his middle name. Seriously, even his parents called him that. I always thought it was really cool, that I was the only one who he allowed to use his real name. Like I was special or something.

  "We were good together. At least, I always thought so. He was always there for me, whenever I needed him, no matter where he was or what he was doing. There was this one time, I had gotten very sick in the middle of school, I was throwing up everywhere, and I had to go home. And when he found out, he walked out right in the middle of some test he was supposed to be taking, just to make sure I was okay. God, I felt like the best person then.

  "And then, one day, he wasn't there. We usually walked home together from school, but that day, he said he couldn't cause he had some make up work to do for one of his classes. And so I was by myself. There were these guys, older guys from my school, and they came up to me. I never really thought anyone had a problem with my sexuality, but apparently, these guys did. They called me 'fag' and 'queer'. Said I didn't deserve to even be alive. And they beat the shit out of me.

  "You don't know how many times I wished, with everything I had in me, that Logan would just happen to walk by and see. That he would swoop in and save me, then kick those losers asses. But he didn't. You know where he was? He was too busy fucking my best friend in the school bathroom.

  "I didn't even find out from him, some girl was telling everyone how she had heard them. They were that loud.

  "He'd been cheating on me for the last month. Said I just wasn't doing it for him, and he had needs that I couldn't fulfill. I slapped him, called him a man whore, he slapped me back and said I was just some pathetic, clingy loser. We broke up, and I moved so I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore."

  Jace went silent, looking over at the school instead of Dan. Dan could tell he was crying, and he reached out and pulled him into his arms tightly. Jace clung to him, almost desperately, and buried his face into Dan's shoulder.

  "I'd say sorry, but I really don't think that would cover it."

  Jace laughed into his shirt, and Dan was glad he wasn't totally depressed. "It's alright." He said. "It's all over and done with, don't worry about it."

  "Of course I'm gonna worry about it." Dan said, pushing him back so he could look him in the eyes. "Someone like you doesn't deserve shit like that happening to them."

  "You have your own, current relationship problems to worry about, Dan." Jace said, smiling shakily and wiping his face.

  "You're important too, Jace."

  There was no way he could have anticipated it, but suddenly, Jace was kissing him. It was a total surprise, and it took Dan a minute to realize what was happening and push him away.

  "What the fuck was that?" Dan said, staring at Jace in disbelief.

  "I'm sorry, I really am." Jace stuttered. "I just, I wasn't thinking, I was all emotional about Logan, and you were being so nice, I couldn't help it."

  "That doesn't mean you kiss me! I have a boyfriend."

  "Do you really?" Jace said. "From the sound of it, you guys don't seem very stable."

  "We're not...just cause we're not getting along too well, doesn't mean I'm gonna cheat on him."

  "Please, Dan?" Jace started begging, moving so that he was face to face with Dan. "Just this once, it's not cheating if we only do it once. He doesn't even have to know, I won't tell. I just need to forget, about all the shit I've been through."

  And when Jace kissed him again, Dan didn't push him away.


	17. Chapter 17

But of course, it wasn't just a one time thing.

Dan told himself constantly that it was nothing, that Jace didn't mean anything. It wasn't like they were having sex or anything, it was just kissing. And as long as Phil didn't find out, there was no need to worry. But there was no stopping the guilt that was always eating away at him, making him physically sick.

He couldn't stop himself. Him and Phil were still arguing, of course, and they were barely together, so it was a kind of comfort, having Jace there. Dan had tried to stop it, had tried telling himself that it was wrong and there was nothing good to come of it, but every time he did, he was distracted by Jace's lips, or his hands. It was just useless.

A week. That was how long it had been going on. Dan hated himself, for doing this to Phil, even if he didn't know about it. And the worst part was that he didn't regret doing these things, he only hated that it would affect him and Phil if it was ever found out.

And the way him and Jace were going, there was bound to be someone who discovered them. It was pretty much everyday they went at it, mostly during lunch, in an empty bathroom stall or the janitor's closet. They'd even been to Dan's house a few times, making out on his bed, where him and Phil had done so much more.

Dan didn't even know how they had gotten to this point. Sure, it was the intial first kiss that started it all, but it wasn't supposed to go off into them fooling around like this. It was only supposed to be once, like Jace had said, but that was all forgotten at this point.

Dan was officially cheating on Phil, with Jace. It was as simple as that.

**************************************************

Jace moaned heavily, as Dan pushed him up against the wall of the bathroom and continued kissing him intensely. They hadn't even made it to the stall before they started making out, and anyone could walk in on them, but they could care less at the moment. Dan was pushing his fingers under the fabric of Jace's shirt, running his hands over the skin of his stomach and chest. Jace had tangled his own fingers roughly into Dan's hair and was tugging it softly, and Dan groaned at the feeling.

It was as if they couldn't get enough of each other, the way they practically ate each other's faces off.

Jace jumped up, wrapping his legs tightly around Dan waist, and Dan grabbed his thighs to hold him up, and they both groaned loudly as their growing erections rubbed together. There was the smallest hint of guilt building in the back of Dan's mind, that he was actually doing this, with Jace, in the fucking boy's bathroom in school, but it was quickly washed away as Jace tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth. Everything aside, Dan couldn't help but appreciate his kissing skills. He knew what to do with that mouth of his.

Jace pulled away slightly to catch his breath, leaning his head back against the wall, and Dan continued to kiss his skin, down alongside his jawline, to his throat and now at his exposed collar bone. He had to make sure not to leave any marks, so no one would get suspicious, and so it was mostly soft, gentle kisses. It still had Jace panting though, as he tightened his legs around Dan's body. 

Dan clutched Jace's thighs tightly through the material of his tight jeans, pulling his lower body even closer. Jace whimpered at the way Dan continued to move against him, and arched slightly off the wall to get even closer. They kept moving, grinding against each other, and Dan had stopped kissing Jace's neck and was just breathing against his shoulder as he kept moving, and Jace was just getting louder, and louder, until...

"Fuck, Dan!" Jace cried out. He was shaking slightly, clutching Dan's shoulders tightly as he rode off the high of his apparent orgasm. He didn't seem at all embarrassed that he had most likely ruined a good pair of jeans, or that he had came so easily, and in an empty bathroom. No, he was actually smiling slightly, his eyes still closed.

Dan stared at him, with his flushed face and messed up hair, and though he was sure he looked exactly the same, he was certain that Jace wore it better.

Jace slid down the wall, unwrapping his legs from Dan's waist and standing, if a bit shaky. He laughed, using the wall behind him to keep his balance. "That was the best." He said, his voice still husky with a hint of lust. "Jesus, we barely did anything."

Dan smiled at his words. Minus the ever present guilt and shame, he was actually the tiniest bit proud of himself, for being able to reduce Jace to this. "We should probably head back." He said, trying to get his breathing under control. "Next period'll start any minute."

Jace laughed again. "No way I can go to class, with all this in my pants." He said. "I'll just skip this period, until I can get something from lost and found, maybe. You go ahead without me."

Dan nodded. He fixed his shirt, so that it wasn't all over the place, and quickly combed his fingers through his hair. He hoped that his face wasn't red anymore, and was glad his erection had gone away finally. And with a final look at Jace's still weak seeming figure, he left the bathroom, into the hallways that were filling with students and off to his next class.

God, he hated himself so much right now.


	18. Chapter 18

  'Slut' wasn't a word that Dan would use to describe himself. At least, not two weeks ago. If he was honest with himself, he felt like the biggest whore in the world right now. He didn't know how he could walk around, pretending as if everything was okay when really, he was cheating on his boyfriend with some random guy he'd known not even a month.

  And the worst part was that Phil didn't have a clue. He was as unsuspecting as ever, and he didn't at all question why Dan was as distant as he'd ever been. Phil was just the innocent bystander in the raging shit storm that Dan had brought upon himself.

  But he knew he wouldn't stop doing it. No matter how much he knew it was wrong, and no matter how much he was sure it would kill Phil if he ever found out, he wasn't going to quit whatever it was he had with Jace. Because he was actually enjoying himself, as fucking heartless as that sounded, he liked the things he did with Jace, and the things Jace did to him.

  And it wasn't as if Phil was paying any attention anyway. He was still just as wary about Jace, the only difference was now he had a reason to be. He wasn't making any attempts to try and resolve things with Dan, and that was just another reason for Dan to keep going. It honestly wasn't that hard hiding it from him.

                                                 **************************************************

  "Hey, Dan?" Phil said, leaning up against the row of lockers next to Dan's. School had ended for the day, and everyone was leaving, and Dan had almost been gone too, before Phil stopped him.

  "Yeah?" Dan said, closing his locker.

  "I was just...I was wondering if maybe I could come over today, and we could talk. I need to tell you something."

  "I..." Dan trailed off, looking for an excuse to reject the idea. "I can't, I have to...talk to my Bio teacher, about some project we're supposed to be doing in class. Sorry."

  Phil looked down at his shoes, and Dan almost went back and agreed at the disappointed look on his face. "Oh, okay." Phil said, smiling slightly. "I'll just, call you or something."

  "Yeah." Dan said. Phil smiled again, and then left, walking down the halls to the front doors of the school. Dan looked after, felling a small shoot of sadness at Phil's slouched figure, but he shook it off and headed in the opposite direction, towards a specific empty classroom. Where Jace was supposed to be waiting for him.

  "What took you so long?" Jace asked when Dan walked into the room, sliding off the desk he had been sitting on top of and stuffing his phone in his pocket.

  "Sorry, I was just sorting some stuff out." Dan said. He threw his bag into some corner of the room, and walked over to where Jace was standing, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Will you ever forgive me?"

  Jace smiled at him, throwing his arms around Dan's neck and bringing their faces close together, so that their noses were just touching. "I'm sure there's some way you can make it up to me." He said seductively, as he ran his fingers softly through Dan's hair. Dan laughed slightly, leaning down even closer to Jace, until their lips crashed together and they were kissing.

  Kissing Jace was a whole lot different than kissing Phil. With Phil, it always started off slow and soft, with barely a brush of the lips. It was filled with all kinds of emotion and passion, and it kept getting deeper as they continued, until they eventually had to pull away for air. But when him and Jace kissed, it was wild from the beginning to the end. There was only lust and deep need, both of them letting out filthy moans from the start, and there were tongues everywhere, it was just hot and fast and seemingly unending.

  Dan let out a particularly loud moan, when Jace ran his tongue across the roof of Dan's mouth in one long stroke. The boy seriously knew how to use that tongue, and damn, did Dan enjoy every minute of it. He tugged at the edges of Jace's shirt harshly, until Jace lifted his arms up so that Dan could pull it off, over his head. As soon as it was out of the way, they were back to making out fiercely, and Dan grabbed Jace's hips tightly, pulling their bodies close together.

  Dan didn't know what it was, but there was just something really fucking hot about doing all this, with Jace, in some random empty classroom, where there was always the possibility of a teacher walking in on them. It made things a lot more exciting.

  Jace pushed Dan back, until his thighs hit the edge of the teacher's desk in the front of the classroom, and Dan didn't hesitate to jump up on top of it, with Jace in between his legs. They never once stopped kissing, and in this position, there was all kinds of friction between them that was just abso-fucking-lutely amazing. Soon enough, Dan's shirt was also removed, and they were chest to chest, hot sweaty skin rubbing up against one another in the most delicious way.

  Dan's pants were starting to get uncomfortably tight, and he was sure that he wasn't going to last much longer. But he didn't want to cut this so short, and he really didn't want to mess up these jeans.

  "Wait." He said breathlessly, pulling away slightly from Jace's eager mouth. Jace just kept kissing and biting at Dan's neck, using his tongue to soothe the marks he left behind, and Dan clutched his lower back tightly. "Jace, I'm really close." He nearly fell off the desk when he felt Jace start palming him through his jeans, and he barely kept himself from yelling out at the feeling. Jesus Christ.

  "I love it when I have you like this." Jace whispered, letting his warm breath fan out against the skin of Dan's neck. "When you're completely wrecked, and just begging for me touch you, kiss you, anything to help you release."

  "Please, Jace." Dan shamelessly begged, rolling his hips against Jace's hand. "Touch me, make me come."

  "You have no idea, the things I could do to you." Jace continued, and his hand was moving faster and harder against Dan's crotch, making him shake with the indescribable pleasure it was giving him.

  Dan wasn't even listening to him anymore, too caught up in everything that was happening to his body to really care. He was making all kinds of filthy noises, that would probably put a porn star to shame, and his nails were digging sharply into Jace's back. He was aching badly, for the feel of Jace's hand on him, skin to skin, and the need was building up inside him until he felt as if he was gonna blow. And he probably was, if they kept this up.

  "Stop fucking teasing me." Dan choked out. He was sweating from all the exertion he was being put through, and his whole body was tense. He hissed loudly, and whimpered when finally, finally, Jace tugged at the button on his jeans, undoing them slowly and precisely. And whe Jace reached in and grasped him firmly, holy fuck, Dan couldn't stop the strangled moan that escaped him. His face was buried into Jace's neck, and he was him around the waist so tightly, there was barely any room between them. As Jace started to stroke, slow and erotic, Dan's moans and pants were muffled by the skin on Jace's shoulder, cause God he couldn't keep himself quiet.

  Dan was slowly, but inevitably, coming apart in Jace's hands. His whole body was on fire, and Jace's touch was doing nothing to calm him down.

  "Are you almost there, baby?" Jace muttered, his hand picking up its pace and driving Dan crazy with pleasure.

  "Fuck, I'm so close Jace." He breathed, barely able to think straight with the things Jace was doing to him. He started moving his hips in time with Jace's hand, thrusting sharply against the tight embrace of his fingers. There was a tight coil of warmth in his stomach, growing bigger and hotter, and Dan clenched his teeth together, as he sat on the fucking edge of insanity, and then....

  "Holy fucking shit!" He yelled, as the white hotness of his release washed over him in waves, and his vision went blurry. His entire body tensed as he came, harder then he ever had before, and his arms were shaking slightly at the sensation. He couldn't breathe properly, couldn't function right, as he got lost in the high of what had just happened.

  "Are you serious?"

  And just like that, Dan was snapped back into reality. Because that wasn't Jace's voice...

  Phil Lester stood in the open doorway of the classroom, his blue eyes wide and filled with about twenty different emotions all at once; anger, sadness, embarrassment, but most of all, just hurt. He looked so fucking hurt. He just stared at them, his chest heaving, and Dan blushed as he realized that Jace was still gripping onto him, cum splattered across both of their chests. God, he felt so stupid, and humiliated.

  "Phil..." He said weakly, but he didn't get to say anything more, because Phil turned away from him, from him and Jace who were still holding onto each other, and left. "Fuck." Dan cursed, pushing Jace away from him, and putting himself back together before running off after him. But before he got anywhere, Jace grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

  "You're seriously gonna go after him?" He said, his face a mix of disbelief and amusement.

  "Of course." Dan replied, yanking his arm out of Jace's grasp. "I can't just leave him with that."

  "And what are you gonna do, apologize to him? Do you honestly think that'll work?" Jace said, shaking his head. "I'm sure he wants nothing to do with you now."

  Dan stared at him, sudden anger bubbling up inside him at the smirk that stretched across Jace's face. "You're an asshole." He said, clenching his fists tightly. "This is all your fault."

  "It was a team effort, Dan." Jace said, mockingly sad. "We both fucked it up."

  Dan glared at him a moment longer, but didn't respond. Because it was true, all this was as much his fault as it was Jace's. He was pretty much the one that had started it, and he had in no way made a move to stop it. He would have probably kept going at it, too, if Phil hadn't just caught them.

  With a final glance at a smug Jace, Dan ran out of the classroom, down the hall and to the front doors. He burst outside, looking around frantically until he spotted Phil's hunched figure, walking quickly away from the school.

  "Phil!" He shouted, running as fast as he could to catch up with him. "Phil, wait, please!" Phil didn't look back at him, not even when Dan was right next to him, he just kept his eyes forward. "Phil, let me-"

  "Don't." Phil cut him off bitterly, his teeth clenched tightly. "I am so done with you right now, I can't even look at you."

  "Phil, please." Dan pleaded, reaching out and grabbing his shoulder, but Phil yanked away from him violently. 

  "Don't you dare touch me." He hissed. "Not with those disgusting hands of yours."

  "Will you at least let me explain?"

  "What the hell do you have to explain, Dan?" Phil said loudly, stopping dead in his tracks and glaring harshly at him. "Anything you could possibly say to me right now, is worthless. Because I saw everything. I was there the entire time, and not once did you even seem to think about me, or what this could possibly do to me. So, I don't care, one bit, about anything you have to say right now, so just leave me alone. Please." He was practically pleading at this point, and he had tears sitting in the corners of his eyes, dangerously close to falling.

  "Phil, please, just listen to me." Dan begged. "I didn't....I didn't mean for it to go this far, I really wasn't trying to hurt you or anything, I would never want that. I..." He trailed off, staring desperately at the crying, blue-eyed boy in front of him.

  "You're pathetic." Phil said, laughing sarcastically at him. "Don't ever talk to me again, okay? Don't touch me, don't look at me, don't you even think about me in any way. We're done."

  Then he left again, and this time, Dan didn't follow. And it was then, right there in the beautifully heartbreaking moment, that Dan came to the biggest realization of his life. And damn, he had screwed things up at the wrongest moment in history. He ran his fingers through his hair roughly, most likely pulling a few strands loose.

  "Dammit." He whispered, no one there to hear him except for the sky and anything that might live up there. "I love you, Phil."

THE END.....or is it???


End file.
